Doggy Paddlin'

I have lots of time to think lately. I try to avoid it as much as possible but sometimes as the hours and days drag by I find myself stuck in a thought or idea with nothing to do but pursue it. 

    Before I had cancer. I was very good at avoiding such scary and difficult topics. It was too depressing to think of what it would be like if something like that ever happened to me or someone I loved. In fact I doubt I would even read a blog like this one unless it was someone I was very close to. Much easier to avoid such a sad topic.        I compare it to an icy cold lake. I would walk near the water’s edge and maybe dip my toes in the cold water but I am not a very good swimmer so I would only swim near the shallow area where I can still touch the bottom. Never think of venturing out to the deep areas too distant from the safe shore.       Well seven months ago someone came and threw me out in the middle of the lake. I spluttered and thrashed and doggy paddled trying to come to grips with this new reality and not drown in the overwhelming circumstances I have been thrown into. I am not superwoman and there are times when I come close to drowning in self pity. In fact today I made a list in my journal of all the things I have lost because of cancer. As my list grew the tears begin to flow. In fact, I think that lake is made of the tears I have cried over the last seven months. Sitting there looking at my list a thought came to me like a light bulb turning on. I wasn’t left alone in the deep waters of the lake. The Lord had thrown out some life preservers before I even got there. He had prepared some things in my life before cancer became my reality.       I can look back and see things being orchestrated in a way that makes this journey more bearable. I think of the timing. If I had been diagnosed a year earlier, I would have been going through treatments during preparations for my sons marriage. I would have missed my daughters High school graduation. Because of the circumstances this year, my daughter was able to arrange her college schedule so she could help more at home.      In September we moved our Martial Arts studio from a studio in our back yard to main street. Eventually making it easier to rearrange my preschool after my diagnosis. My oldest son has been able to help run the studio. I was able to hire a preschool teacher who would eventually count on the income when her husband lost his job several months later. Also for the first year ever, there is an assistant principal at the school where my husband is principal. Thereby lightening his load. And probably the biggest one is the fact that my Dr.- Dr. Tricot a top Myeloma Researcher and Specialist in the country moved from Arkansas to Huntsman a year and a half ago. Those are just a few examples of the little miracles or life preservers that were put in place before I even got thrown out in this lake.       I am still out in the deep, and the water is still cold, but I have a life preserver and the Lord is watching out for me. I have to quite thrashing around so much and trust in the Lord. He has a plan for me and He makes preparations on my behalf before I am even aware of it.       I am a terrible swimmer and a slow learner. I am sure there will be days ahead where I will still be doggy paddlin’ and “cryin’ a river” in my cold lake, but for today I am going to make another list in my journal of some of the life preservers I have been given and practice the back stroke.

One day at a time

Well here I am 33 days out from my second transplant. What a journey it has been. Harder than I ever dreamed it would be. I am gaining my health back ever so slowly! Last Wednesday I was able to go home for a few days. It was Joe's birthday so my daughter came and got me and snuck me home. Joe was completely surprised when he walked in the house and saw me there. It was so good to be home. I was able to get a few things done while I lay in bed. It was tempting to stay, however after a couple days we knew I was not yet ready physically, emotionally, or mentally. So I am back up to my parents home. I am trying to be patient with myself. Every morning I want to just jump out of bed and move doing the normal routines in a day. Instead I slowly shuffle around the house and spend most of my time resting as my body continues to regain it's strength. Joe reminds me to just take it one day at a time.

Preschool Plug

I am starting to think beyond one day at a time and beginning to plan my future. I have put serious thought into my plans for preschool next year. I am told that my immunities as well as my energy level will still remain quite low for another year. So with that information I have made the decision to hire one of my past preschool teachers to run my preschool for me next year.  Hopefully after the new year I may be able to help.  Teresa has taught for me for four years and I have great confidence in her abilities to take this ball and run with it. So If you or anyone you know is interested please let them know. Here is a little information about my program Kris Kelly-/teacher/owner  Certified Teacher-BYU graduate Taught at BYU's Preschool Lab.  Has over 16 years experience teaching  and developing preschool curriculum. Several of her teaching ideas have been published in a national educational  magazine. Loves finding innovative ways to teach young children and seeing them progress as they learn new skills.

Teresa Veater-teacher

Veteran Preschool teacher with over 22 years experience working with preschoolers in the classroom as well as Nebo School District's Transistional Kindergarten program. Her organized yet gentle approach will help your child to gain independence and educational skills for future success.

Country Kids Preschool

is an established preschool in Spanish Fork for the past fourteen years.  We offer a full academic program in a unique preschool setting.  A classroom as well as a large gym area provide many opportunities to educate the whole child.

We offer;

*Developmentally appropriate activities with a hands on approach.

*Small class sizes, 8-10 children per class.

*Thematic units organized to teach basic skills while learning about the world around us.

*Monthly parent newsletter and calendar.

*Alphabet introduction focuses on using all the senses to explore recognize, and remember the letters and sounds.

*Math and number exploration through manipulatives, patterning, sorting, and calendaring.

*Large and fine motor skill practice through games and activities.

Two and three day sessions available

Contact Teresa 801-423-1888

or Kris 801-798-6146  for more info.

(Thanks for letting me share and advertise this important part of my life)

99.9%

I met with Dr. Tricot this morning. All my lab work came back with great results. The myeloma cells are 99.9% gone and my white blood cells, hemoglobin, and platelets have recovered significantly. If I had more energy I would be jumping for joy. I am now set to begin maintenance therapy for the next year. Hopefully I can recover quickly enough to begin enjoying it. Strangely enough my biggest issue right now is food! I just have no appetite. I have been on anti nausea medication but it makes me so tired. Now I am trying medicine to increase my appetite. How I ironic! I've spent my whole life trying to lose those last ten pounds and now I have to force myself to eat and gain weight! This afternoon I was pleasantly surprised by a visit from my husband. I didn't think I would get to see him and the kids until Sunday, but he drove up and spent a few hours with me today. He always lifts my spirits and gives the best back rubs. I could not ask for a better husband, father to our children, and best friend. I know this year has been so hard for him. Having to juggle responsibilities as a school principal, running a martial arts studio, being there for our kids and just making sure everything keeps running smoothly. I always knew he was amazing but now I know he is definitely my super hero! All my Love Joe, Love, Kris

I Can See Clearly Now

So much to express. So Little energy to do so! Yesterday-Saturday May 2nd, I was released from the U of U Hospital. I was there ten days. It is all a blur now-of pain, side effects, Trying to eat when my mouth is too sore to swallow. Trying to get up and move when I am too weak to stand. Trying to stay connected to my family when I can't remember anything. I feel like I have been in a big black hole that I am just now starting to find my way out of. Into sunshine and coherency. I have been told that I had about every side effect possible-Lucky me! One crazy one began right after the stem cell transplant when my hands and feet began to swell and turn red. They felt like when you freeze your hands out in the snow and then come into thaw them out and get that prickly pain feelng. I figure it felt like that for 30 hours without much pain relief. As soon as that began to subside and the skin began to peel off in big sheets than I was blessed with different side effects. This is all so crazy! I have always been very healthy. When I go to the hospital, I bring home a new baby! This time I bring home a new perspective, and new hope for a long remission and opportunities for a new life. I am so grateful for all those who have prayed for me. I know He listens to those prayers even when I am too weak to pray for myself. I am humbled by the kindness, concern, and love of others. Thank you.

Faith Will Get Us Through

I recently was reading in the scriptures and found a great quote the I believe fits Kris and our family. 2 Corinthians 4:8-11 8 We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; 9 Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; 10 Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body. 11 For we which live are alway delivered unto death for Jesus’ sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh. Kris and I have discussed many times the strength of the spirit at this time in our lives. The Lord has not abandoned us. He is with us stronger than ever. Kris is slowly gaining strength. Her white blood cell counts are slowly on the rise. Today is day 10 since the stem cell transplant. This is a milestone day for her. Your comments and prayers are felt and appreciated. I was able to take our kids to see Kris yesterday. It lifted her spirits greatly. People ask what they can do for us and I simply say: "Pray for Kris." Thanks again for all of your prayers and thoughts. Kris will be back soon to write on her blog. Joe Kelly

Another Tough Day On The Mountain

This is Joe writing again. Sorry to disappoint the fan club but Kris is still out of commission today. I have spent the entire day with her. She is still in a lot of pain from the chemo. The pain is general and spread over her body. There is only so much that pain meds can do. I want everyone to know that she has world class care here. The BMT unit is very impressive and she has great nurses and doctors. She is in a private room and comfortable as she can be under the circumstances. She is on day + 5 since her stem cell transplant and received her last major dose of chemo today. By day +10 her stem cells will be ingrafted into her bones and will begin to produce red and white blood cells and platelets. Currently, her white cell count is at 0 and she is nutripenic which means she has no resistance to infection. She is on IV antibiotics and IV pain meds. I was able to read her all the comments from the blog and it lifted her spirits. God Bless everyone who is reading this blog and supporting her. I know many of you read and do not comment. That is ok. The prayer that you carry in your heart is helping. I met a man today in the cafeteria who was in a much worse place than we are as a family. We were able to talk and comfort each other. He is two thousand miles from home and his wife is pregnant and very sick in this hospital. We are still counting our blessings. Kris and I actually realize them and savor them more at this time. Family and friends like you are the greatest blessings of all. In the end it is the gospel of Jesus Christ that keeps us going. The spirit is very strong in our family right now and very close to Kris. Thank you all for everything, hug your spouse and your kids and keep praying for Kris. I was able to serve that man in the cafeteria today in a very small way and it made me feel great. When we are down we need to find someone to serve, it will make us feel better. Take care and God Bless. Joe Kelly

We Can Feel Your Prayers

This is Joe writing on April 21. This round of treatment Kris was given new drugs, more stem cells than before, and stronger doses of chemo drugs that she received last time. The infusion of stem cells make it possible for her to receive doses that are up to 10 times greater than a regular dose of chemo. There have been some tough side effects this time around and Kris is in alot of pain. She was admitted to the Bone Marrow Transplant Unit at the University Hospital today. What she needs more than anything right now is all of your prayers and faith. You are all so wonderful and have been so kind to Kris and our family. When I say we can feel your prayers we do. I know its a hard thing to understand unless you have had so many people at once praying for you, but it is a very powerful experience. We really do feel your faith and prayers. Kris is doing better tonight and has the pain under control. We will keep everyone updated on the blog. She loves the comments you write. This means the world to her and they really are her contact with the outside so please continue to post comments. Thank you so much and God Bless. Joe Kelly

The Climb

Early Thursday morning I woke up and seriously considered calling everything off.  “I think I will just just sit down in the dirt and slide down this mountain on my butt!”  I did not want to walk into that hospital and start another round of chemo! This is seriously not very fun anymore!!  The first time around I did not know what to expect, now I know too much.  But I guess there is no way out of this--but up so it is time to start climbing again.

   I had several high dose rounds of chemo on Thursday and then went in this morning for my second stem cell transplant.  The procedure is fairly simple.  After receiving a short saline IV, I was given a transfusion of my previously stored stem cells, then two more hours of saline.  The cells are stored in a DMSO solution as a preservative.  The minute it hits your body, you get a metalic, garlicky taste in your mouth and an interesting odor-which my family did not enjoy.

    My husband, my daughter, and one of my sons came with me to celebrate this second “Stem Cell Birthday.”  It will take several days for the cells to begin working, and my body is beginning to slow down.  This afternoon my face, hands, and feet began to swell.  I look like a pink lobster. 

    I have probably had cancer for several years.  I have know about it for over five months.  I am still in shock about it everyday.  This mountain is very steep!! and some days this climb is on my knees, but I still have lots of life to live and enjoy, lots of family and friends to love, and many lessons and blessings to receive from my Savior.  

The Big Week

Well this is the big week.  Yesterday-Monday I started the first regimen of Chemotherapy.  I was at Huntsman from 8am to 3:00pm. It began with blood tests then we waited for the pharmacy to mix up my personal chemo-cocktail.  The first drug was a high dose of Carmustine given through an IV, a quick run of Velcade.  Then finally a two hour infusion of Gemcitabine, a new drug which my insurance doesn't cover! This medical adventure is not cheap, but we feel very blessed to have good insurance which does cover most of the costs.  I guess it's one more year of driving our old red van!

    I have had little reactions so far-just enjoying it for as long as I can. I know the side effects will eventually come.  I go back in for another round of chemo on Thursday replacing the Carmustine with Melphalan the happy high dose drug which causes mouth sores.  I had it during the first round with few side effects of the mouth because they have you pack your mouth with ice for over an hour before and during the transfusion.  I am really looking forward to that!

   Friday is the stem cell transplant.  A transfusion of 8.27 million of my own stem cells which had been previously harvested and stored.

Well here I go-so far so good.  Wish me luck.  Thank you for all the good thoughts, the many prayers and the kind deeds for me and my family.  I love you all!!

Happy Easter

   Sorry I am a few days late.  I was busy enjoying a great weekend and feeling somewhat normal.  My treatment schedule was put off from Monday April 6th to Monday the 13th due to a bad cold.  It took the whole week to feel better.  Saturday I got the family rounded up to clean the house,  helped my daughter sew a dress, and helped prepare food for easter dinner. I made rolls, a fruit salad and Great Grandma's famous Easter Chocolate Roll for desert. My husband took over the ham and potatoes. It felt so good to feel so good!   Sunday I went to church and listened to my son give a talk in Sacrament meeting.  Then my parents came down for dinner and drove me back to their house to begin treatment on Monday morning.  Here we go again!

Good News, Bad News

I have Good news and Bad news. The Good News first-We met with Dr. Tricot on Friday and found from all the test results that the chemotherapy and my body have been doing what they are supposed to. There is no sign of cancer in the bone marrow and the overall cancer has decreased by 90%!!! After telling the Dr. that I was so frustrated with how slow my recovery from the first tranplant had been, he replied this meant that my body had been working extra hard to kill the cancer (and I thought I had not done a thing for last two months!) I always feel better and more hopeful after meeting with Dr. Tricot. The Bad News is not that bad after such great news. The plan was to begin the next round of treatments on Monday the 6th, however I caught a cold and possible sinus infection over the weekend so everything is postponed til Friday. Plan B is to get over this cold and get healthy enough by Friday to begin chemo then. I am leaving my bags packed and thinking healthy thoughts til then.

Gearing Up for Round Two

Monday and Tuesday were test days. I hope I passed! First was the biopsy-not fun! They take bone morrow fluid, and bone from the hip bone by the lower back. You are given the option of having pain killer or just a local. I always opt for the drugs but it still hurts! I also had an EKG, heart scan, and PET/CT scan. It is hard to lay still on your back when they just drilled a hole in you. I also had a Pulmonary function test. I am always a slow learner on this one. You have to do certain breathing exercises correctly into a tube. It took me seven tries to get it right! I go to see Dr. Tricot tomorrow. I think we are getting smarter at this. The first time we didn't know what to ask now I have a list of questions to ask him. If everything from the tests I had this week look good I will probably begin the next treatment on Monday the 6th. This is round two. The first round knocked the cancer down. We are counting on this next round to knock it into a long, long remission. This has been quite the journey-one that I would not wish on anyone. However I do wish everyone to have the opportunity to feel the love and support that I have felt. I have received so much love and encouragement from so many friends, family, and aquaintances. I am so blessed to have had such good friends throughout my life. It is very humbling to know that so many are praying for me and my family. May you each have the opportunity at some time to feel the overwhelming love and support of others in your life. Thank you and may the Lord Bless you, Love Kris

Speaking to Me

My reprieve from chemotherapy, IV's, transfusions, lab work, etc. for the past two months is quickly coming to an end far too quickly. Although I have not had to deal with the daily physical treatments involved (but a few strange side effects); I have had to deal with the equally challenging mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of this journey. Am I learning the lessons I am supposed to learn? Am I strong enough and prepared physically and mentally for this second round of chemo and a stem cell transplant? Is it working? Is my family ready to do this all again? The questions are endless and my emotions are riding a rollercoaster. My children can tell I am getting stronger because I am on top of checking on the chores and homework. I just feel such an urgency to prepare them for the next two months when I am not avaliable to keep things running. I even sorted the dreaded sock basket! Saturday evening I was able to attend the Adult sessions of our Stake Conference. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland spoke. It was so good! I felt like he was speaking directly to me. He titled his talk, "Hard Times" A few of the highlights were; *We are part of the plan that begin before the earth was formed. *God Lives and Loves each one of us. We are His children. *He knows the beginning from the end. *When hard times come don't bale out in the 2nd act. *Don't Panic. Broken things can be fixed. *Broken clouds bring rain and rain brings flowers. *God loves broken things. He can fix them. He loves broken hearts. He can fix them. I knew and believed in my heart before that these things were true, but it was so wonderful to hear them spoken so eloquently from an Apostle of the Lord. I am ever-so-slowly learning to replace the fear with faith and pray daily to do so. Elder Holland's closing remarks were, "We all must learn to replace fear with faith in our Heavenly Father and His plan for us." Once again he was speaking to me!

Nappy Days

Just an update. I am continuing to get stronger and regaining my health. I ran a few errands with my daughter Saturday morning before the crowds started shopping then came home and took a nap. Sunday I went to an hour of church. Went late and left early- then came home and took a nap. It is so nice to get out of "my bubble" once in a while. I have two more weeks at home then head up to Huntsman for tests on the 30th and the games begin again!

Fourteen, Yikes!

My son Trent turned fourteen yesterday. Wow where did the time go! It seemed just yesterday that this beautiful, small, brown -eyed boy joined our family. He has always been an easygoing, content, happy kid. Great things come in small packages and Trent fits this description. He is a serious thinker, a great wrestler. (He took 4th place in Jr. State Wrestling Championships.) a Black Belt in Martial Arts. A good student (when he gets all his work turned in!) and two merit badges away from being an eagle scout. Okay so I had to brag. Trent has a wonderful imagination. He has edited and produced several movies for school. He is trying his hand at claymation right now and has made a whole little world of clay figures. He never ceases to amaze me with his patience for detail and his ingenuity. He is having a party in our studio right now. This is a building we have behind our home. It has been a karate studio and is now used as a preschool. It comes in handy for the kids to have friends over. One of the hardest things about being sick right now is not being able to be involved in some of the details of my kids lives. I'm usually the one who would have shopped for the birthday presents, made the cake, planned the party etc. This year, my husband and daughter have taken over-and done a great job, but it still hurts. Hopefully in time I will regain my energy and health and be able to enjoy and be involved in all the wonderful little details of motherhood. Happy Birthday Trent. I Love You!

Six weeks down

It has been six weeks since my first stem cell transplant and I am finally starting to feel a little energy and strength, Yeah! Just in time to enjoy some sunshine and the promise of Spring. I heard some birds chirping outside my window this morning and went on a walk the other day (before the wind started blowing around here.) On Saturday, Joe and I actually went on a date to Wallgreens to pick up prescriptions the first time I have been out of the house in weeks. I am still extemely germaphobic-Lysol and hand santizer continue to be my best friends. My goal now is to continue to regain my strength and prepare myself mentally and physically for the next transplant the first part of April. This has been quite the journey for our family. One that has brought many challenges but also many opportunities, experiences, and blessings. We have great hope for the future!

I am blessed

It was a long weekend. I have had a slight cold, some weird eye infection, and various other strange symptoms, but never did get a fever -thank goodness. However it did knock my energy level and my attitude back down. By Sunday morning I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. That afternoon my family came home from church and we ate a great dinner prepared by my great husband. After dinner we gathered around the livingroom and my husband and oldest son administered the sacrament and my 13 yr old son passed it to me. The sacrament has never meant so much to me as it did yesterday. As I listened to the words and the promises we make and those we recieve- to have His spirit with us, I felt very blessed! After the sacrament, my son, who holds the Melchezidek priesthood, the same priesthood held by Christ and then restored to Joseph Smith by Peter, James, and John, gave me a blessing. He spoke beautiful words of comfort, peace, and direction-words that came from a loving Heavenly Father. I felt very blessed! I am feeling much better today. Ready to start climbing that mountain again. I am not climbing alone. I have a wonderful family, many amazing friends and neighbors, prayer, and the power of the priesthood in my home. I am blessed!