March 23, 2009

Speaking to Me

My reprieve from chemotherapy, IV's, transfusions, lab work, etc. for the past two months is quickly coming to an end far too quickly. Although I have not had to deal with the daily physical treatments involved (but a few strange side effects); I have had to deal with the equally challenging mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of this journey. Am I learning the lessons I am supposed to learn? Am I strong enough and prepared physically and mentally for this second round of chemo and a stem cell transplant? Is it working? Is my family ready to do this all again? The questions are endless and my emotions are riding a rollercoaster. My children can tell I am getting stronger because I am on top of checking on the chores and homework. I just feel such an urgency to prepare them for the next two months when I am not avaliable to keep things running. I even sorted the dreaded sock basket! Saturday evening I was able to attend the Adult sessions of our Stake Conference. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland spoke. It was so good! I felt like he was speaking directly to me. He titled his talk, "Hard Times" A few of the highlights were; *We are part of the plan that begin before the earth was formed. *God Lives and Loves each one of us. We are His children. *He knows the beginning from the end. *When hard times come don't bale out in the 2nd act. *Don't Panic. Broken things can be fixed. *Broken clouds bring rain and rain brings flowers. *God loves broken things. He can fix them. He loves broken hearts. He can fix them. I knew and believed in my heart before that these things were true, but it was so wonderful to hear them spoken so eloquently from an Apostle of the Lord. I am ever-so-slowly learning to replace the fear with faith and pray daily to do so. Elder Holland's closing remarks were, "We all must learn to replace fear with faith in our Heavenly Father and His plan for us." Once again he was speaking to me!

March 16, 2009

Nappy Days

Just an update. I am continuing to get stronger and regaining my health. I ran a few errands with my daughter Saturday morning before the crowds started shopping then came home and took a nap. Sunday I went to an hour of church. Went late and left early- then came home and took a nap. It is so nice to get out of "my bubble" once in a while. I have two more weeks at home then head up to Huntsman for tests on the 30th and the games begin again!

March 07, 2009

Fourteen, Yikes!

My son Trent turned fourteen yesterday. Wow where did the time go! It seemed just yesterday that this beautiful, small, brown -eyed boy joined our family. He has always been an easygoing, content, happy kid. Great things come in small packages and Trent fits this description. He is a serious thinker, a great wrestler. (He took 4th place in Jr. State Wrestling Championships.) a Black Belt in Martial Arts. A good student (when he gets all his work turned in!) and two merit badges away from being an eagle scout. Okay so I had to brag. Trent has a wonderful imagination. He has edited and produced several movies for school. He is trying his hand at claymation right now and has made a whole little world of clay figures. He never ceases to amaze me with his patience for detail and his ingenuity. He is having a party in our studio right now. This is a building we have behind our home. It has been a karate studio and is now used as a preschool. It comes in handy for the kids to have friends over. One of the hardest things about being sick right now is not being able to be involved in some of the details of my kids lives. I'm usually the one who would have shopped for the birthday presents, made the cake, planned the party etc. This year, my husband and daughter have taken over-and done a great job, but it still hurts. Hopefully in time I will regain my energy and health and be able to enjoy and be involved in all the wonderful little details of motherhood. Happy Birthday Trent. I Love You!

March 04, 2009

Six weeks down

It has been six weeks since my first stem cell transplant and I am finally starting to feel a little energy and strength, Yeah! Just in time to enjoy some sunshine and the promise of Spring. I heard some birds chirping outside my window this morning and went on a walk the other day (before the wind started blowing around here.) On Saturday, Joe and I actually went on a date to Wallgreens to pick up prescriptions the first time I have been out of the house in weeks. I am still extemely germaphobic-Lysol and hand santizer continue to be my best friends. My goal now is to continue to regain my strength and prepare myself mentally and physically for the next transplant the first part of April. This has been quite the journey for our family. One that has brought many challenges but also many opportunities, experiences, and blessings. We have great hope for the future!

What I Needed Someone to Tell Me

  Painting "Hinds Feet" by Daniel F. Gerhartz Two women I know were diagnosed with cancer this week.  My heart goes out to them an...