My Life Preservers

 After reading my previous blog,  I realized that I had failed to mention one of the greatest blessings in all of this.  My parents!  I don’t know what we would have done without them.  Luckily they live just 20 miles from Huntsman; a true blessing while I am required to be close to the Hospital during testing, treatments and recovery.  I can not even imagine how we would have managed without them. Having them live conveniently near the hospital has been wonderful, however they have done so much more than that.

    My parents have given me life twice.  Once when I was born; the only girl in a family of four boys. (ironically just like the family I am raising) And now they give me life again through the many sacrifices they have made to get me through these last several months. 

     They raised me in a home filled with love.  They taught us life skills I am grateful for now.  Both teachers, they worked hard to care for a big family and made sure we knew how to work hard.  We spent many happy summers in my favorite place-Star Valley, Wyoming, working and playing in the hay fields and woods.

     They have been with me every step of the way.  From the moment we found out the plan, they have adjusted their lives to help my family and I manage all of this.   My dad bought a new car that would be easier and safer to drive into Salt Lake everyday for appointments and treatments.  He  made sure it had good snow tires and was heated before I got in during December when I had to be at the hospital by 7am every morning for over a week.  My dad has taken turns taking me to appointments-He takes the shorter ones :) and gets things done around the house when my mom is with me.  

     My parents just bought a trailer home in St. George last year and were anxious to get down their and enjoy it. They put all their plans on hold without a second thought.  My dad is one of my life preservers!

    My mom has spent her life caring for her children. She cooked, canned, sewed and worked full time.  Although she was a 4th grade teacher for many years,  I think her second career has been that of a nurse. She has spent countless hours in hospitals over the years attending to the needs of our family with broken bones, health problems, and serious life-threatening accidents. Well her experience comes in handy once again as she takes care of me.

     She has spent many, many hours in the waiting room and infusion room by my side.  Her life has been completely consumed with me and my needs.  She probably knows more about my disease than I do as she researches and stays on top of what I should be doing each step of the way.  She spent everyday of my ten day hospital stay with me even though I wasn’t good company and manages to whip up healthy meals for me even  though I could only take a few bites.  My mother has given her life to give me a second life.  She is one of my life preservers!

     How can I ever express the love and gratitude I feel for my parents.  I ask the Lord to bless them everyday for the sacrifices they make on my behalf, and hope that I can be there for them whenever they may need my help.

      I Love you both and am so grateful to be your daughter.  Thank you for all you have done for me now and throughout my life. You have supported me every step of the way.  You are my life preservers in every sense of the word.  Love, your daughter, Kristine

Doggy Paddlin'

I have lots of time to think lately. I try to avoid it as much as possible but sometimes as the hours and days drag by I find myself stuck in a thought or idea with nothing to do but pursue it. 

    Before I had cancer. I was very good at avoiding such scary and difficult topics. It was too depressing to think of what it would be like if something like that ever happened to me or someone I loved. In fact I doubt I would even read a blog like this one unless it was someone I was very close to. Much easier to avoid such a sad topic.        I compare it to an icy cold lake. I would walk near the water’s edge and maybe dip my toes in the cold water but I am not a very good swimmer so I would only swim near the shallow area where I can still touch the bottom. Never think of venturing out to the deep areas too distant from the safe shore.       Well seven months ago someone came and threw me out in the middle of the lake. I spluttered and thrashed and doggy paddled trying to come to grips with this new reality and not drown in the overwhelming circumstances I have been thrown into. I am not superwoman and there are times when I come close to drowning in self pity. In fact today I made a list in my journal of all the things I have lost because of cancer. As my list grew the tears begin to flow. In fact, I think that lake is made of the tears I have cried over the last seven months. Sitting there looking at my list a thought came to me like a light bulb turning on. I wasn’t left alone in the deep waters of the lake. The Lord had thrown out some life preservers before I even got there. He had prepared some things in my life before cancer became my reality.       I can look back and see things being orchestrated in a way that makes this journey more bearable. I think of the timing. If I had been diagnosed a year earlier, I would have been going through treatments during preparations for my sons marriage. I would have missed my daughters High school graduation. Because of the circumstances this year, my daughter was able to arrange her college schedule so she could help more at home.      In September we moved our Martial Arts studio from a studio in our back yard to main street. Eventually making it easier to rearrange my preschool after my diagnosis. My oldest son has been able to help run the studio. I was able to hire a preschool teacher who would eventually count on the income when her husband lost his job several months later. Also for the first year ever, there is an assistant principal at the school where my husband is principal. Thereby lightening his load. And probably the biggest one is the fact that my Dr.- Dr. Tricot a top Myeloma Researcher and Specialist in the country moved from Arkansas to Huntsman a year and a half ago. Those are just a few examples of the little miracles or life preservers that were put in place before I even got thrown out in this lake.       I am still out in the deep, and the water is still cold, but I have a life preserver and the Lord is watching out for me. I have to quite thrashing around so much and trust in the Lord. He has a plan for me and He makes preparations on my behalf before I am even aware of it.       I am a terrible swimmer and a slow learner. I am sure there will be days ahead where I will still be doggy paddlin’ and “cryin’ a river” in my cold lake, but for today I am going to make another list in my journal of some of the life preservers I have been given and practice the back stroke.