August 25, 2009

PLenTy of NeW BeGinNinGs

   My kids are back in school.  I love this time of year.  There are plenty of new beginnings, fall weather, and high school football games.  

   Last week was an Open House for the elementary school.  I took my youngest son to meet his teacher and see his classroom.  We marched into his room and I proceeded to introduce myself to his 5th grade teacher.  I begin to explain that last year was a pretty tough year for our family and before I knew it I became a little emotional.  It was totally unexpected.  I had to take a few breaths before I could continue and explain the situation.  It didn't come out to clear and I ended up telling her I would email her with the details.  How do I explain how much I have worried about my son?

    This last school year as I was going through chemotherapy, two stem cell transplants, and living away from home for months at a time,  my husband and I were literally in "survival mode."I constantly worried about and prayed for my children.  I was the most concerned about Spencer my youngest.  He is my "baby."  He has a learning disability.  Central Auditory   Processing Disorder.  He can hear just fine but he has trouble processing information.  For example when he hears information about a horse he doesn't know whether to file it in his brain under horse or animal, or a form of transportation.  He had great teachers last year and he did make progress but it was hard to stay on top of things at home.

   I worry about all my kids.  A ten year old shouldn't have to worry about their mom.  He even asked me one time how long I was going to live.  I told him I am young, I have good Doctors, and I am doing everything I can possibly do so that I can be around as long as I can.   Probably till he is all grown up and has children of his own.  It was hard.

    I worry about my fourteen year old son.  This summer he went away for a week to summer camp.  Something must have happened up in the high Uintah Mountain air because when he came back his voice began cracking all the time.  My usual mild mannered boy occasionally turns into a monster unable to control his emotions.  This is not the best combination with a mom on chemo, and steriods.  I am learning that sometimes it is best to go in the other room and bite my tongue.  I love him and we are learning to enjoy the good times.

   I worry about my son Jace.  He is a senior at Maple Mountain High School.  A brand new school.  He is heavily involved in Student Council, Seminary Council, and Football.  I am just trying to keep track of him  at this point.  I just hope that he is making good choices.  Last year was pretty tough for him.  I felt so bad that I was unable to attend any of his wrestling matches.  I missed out on a lot.  

  I worry about my daughter Mallory.  No nineteen year old should have to drive their mother to the infusion room of the hospital and then watch as they administer chemo into her IV.  She had a pretty tough time last year.  She moved away from home to go to college.  Luckily it was only twenty minutes away from home.  She spent a lot of time back at home taking care of her younger brothers, shopping, taking care of their needs, and helping her dad.  She still managed to do well in school.

   I am finding that you never stop worrying about your children.  My oldest son is married, working and going to school.  His life with his wife just started when mine came crashing down.  I hope to be able to be more involved with them as my health improves.  

   I hope that through all of this my children have learned some valuable lessons that will have a positive impact on their lives.  That they have learned compassion, responsibility, and to rely more on their family.  That even though mom and dad won't always be there to listen to them, or solve their problems, they can always rely on God who listens and answers prayers in the way that is best.  That faith can replace the fear.  And that true happiness comes from making good choices  living a life with integrity, and doing your homework!

   So yes this past year has been pretty tough but it's time to move on.  Its time for new beginnings, beautiful fall weather, and a few good high school football games.

August 16, 2009


Summer is quickly coming to an end and my children are ready to go back to school.  Mom hasn't been too entertaining these days.  But I am adjusting to this new phase of treatment and learning to plan my life around the good weeks and bad weeks.  
  We have been able to do a few fun things together.
We went to Salt Lake City and visited This is the Place Monument and Heritage Park.  We stayed at a nice Hotel, The kids swam three times, had dinner at a Thai restaurant-delicious! and went to a lazer show.  Then we went to a family reunion the next day.  It was nice and relaxing to be together.
Some "rare" birds
In June we went to Star Valley, Wyoming. My favorite place. Stayed at the family cabin.  There's beautiful scenery, fresh crisp air and lots of room for kids and dogs to run.

August 13, 2009

Middle of the Night

"It's 3am and I can't sleep standin' on the edge of something much too deep."                                                                                                Sarah McClachlan
Actually It's "Dex week"  This steriod messes with my nerves, sleep, and patience.  But it does crazy things to cancer cells and the proteins they live off of.  So my family puts up with me.
        In the middle of the night here is what I think.
We are all lined up in heaven watching earthly gifts being handed out as people leave for earth.  Up ahead someone says, "Who wants cancer?"  I mistakenly hear "who wants answers?" I jump up and down, raise my hand high in the air and say. "I do, I do, Give me a big one!"  
P. S.  My hair is growing back!

Fourteenth Year Cancerversary

              My husband and I at my 40th High School Reunion.                                                    Am I seriously that old?! ...