In a Nutshell

I just happened to run across this the other day. Dr. Oz explains warning signs of five cancers. The fifth one is Multiple Myeloma. The club I belong to. Here it is "in a nutshell." Enjoy.

P. S. I can't figure out how to cut just the clip I want (anyone want to tell me how:).. so.. if you start at about 3.4 seconds that's where info on Multiple Myeloma starts.

F.Y.I I'm on cycle 10 day 18.

Which is my 4th round of chemo for this month. Two more months to go.

Two more cycles to go.

Nine more rounds of chemo to go

and then it will be time to start enjoying my remission!!

I'm starting to believe that light I see isn't the oncoming train but the light at the end of the tunnel.

Oh and another F.Y.I

I have not broken one bone during this journey so I am feeling pretty good about that.

... and I really need to go to bed but my friendly steroid is keeping my mind racing. Sometimes I fight it and try to sleep and sometimes I just ride the wave until it crashes - usually by the weekend when my energy level drains to almost nothing.

So Farewell and goodnight for now.

Time for Another Hike

My four sons, son-in-law, and daughter. Aren't they handsome....and beautiful?!

Our only daughter was married on June 3rd. It was such a wonderful celebration. She was married in the Salt Lake LDS temple. The ceremony was beautiful, simple, and sacred. We haven't felt like we were losing a daughter but that we are gaining a son.

It's been six weeks since my last round of chemo. A serious break after 18 months of treatment. After explaining to my doctor all of the upcoming events happening in May, he agreed to let me take time off of treatment. I was desperately hoping he would say that nine months of maintenance was plenty however that wasn't the case. He did say that we must always weigh out treatment with quality of life issues. Well I must say that "my quality of life" has needed some adjustment so it was wonderful to take a "breather" for six weeks!

It has taken a good month to shake off the fatigue and some of the "chemo brain." Just in the nick of time I have been able to enjoy some wonderful events with my family.

Now it's time to jump back on the chemo roller coaster. I head up to Huntsman on Monday to begin treatment. I will start with labs. They will be checking to make sure all systems are "go." Then the games begin. An IV with some saline, a quick push of Velcade(chemo) and a three hour infusion of Aredia-a bone hardening infusion. I will also start back up on Dexamethasone and a new drug called Revlimid. I am not looking forward to the next three months. It is so hard to start back. This time I know what I am getting into!

...so wish me luck, keep me in your prayers, and I will get back on my hiking boots and climb a little further up this mountain.

I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR CANCER

I don't have time for cancer. 

(Actually my husband reminds me that I don't have active cancer-

it's in remission so I will re-phrase that... )   

  The treatments I am undergoing are terribly inconvenient right now.

I simply do not have time to be sick. 

 The lives of my children and the exciting things

 happening in my family distract me from

 dwelling on the incredibly steep mountain that I have been climbing

. 

The school projects, 

wrestling practices,

tournaments,  and 

School activities.

 

The family business,...

and plans for the future keep me too busy to dwell too much on the never-ending cycle of chemotherapy and fatigue, steroid bursts of energy followed by draining crashes, and exhausting side effects. 

  

  I used to feel sorry for myself that I had to get a rare 

cancer usually found in older men.  

That I had to deal with all of this while still raising a family.  

Now I am realizing that my situation actually  

helps me to fight harder,  

to strive to be an active part of my husband and children's lives, and to find joy in the simple day to day routines.  

   No matter how tired I am there are still people who need my attention and I need them.

So here is a peek at my life... as I look forward to some "peak" celebrations in my life!

Jace graduates from High School!                             Mallory is getting married in June!

and my son Tyler and his wife Dani are expecting their first baby..... and I am going to be a grandmother!!

I don't have time for cancer.  I am going through these treatments so I have time for life!

   

 

8 down!!... but who's counting?

It's Spring today.  My grass is turning green and little purple crocus' are stretching out of my tired and neglected flower beds.  I just finished my eighth month of maintenance treatment.  The last dose of Velcade and Dex were four days ago.  It takes me so long to recover!  I can get up make breakfast,  straighten the house, get ready for the day and then I am completely exhausted.  

   Fatigue is a huge side effect of treatment.  It is entirely different than being tired.  I feel like I have been running a marathon, swimming the english channel or scaling the rocky cliffs of my "myeloma mountain."  I wish I could just take a good long nap and wake up refreshed and ready to go for jog.  Well I guess there are trade-offs.  Things could be much worse.   I have been fortunate to not have to deal too much with some much more unpleasant side effects such as nausea, or neuropathy.  So I guess I am just learning to live with it.  

    Four more months of this treatment-if I can stand it!  That's 16 rounds of chemo.  Thirty two days of steriod.  Probably one more IVIG infusion.  And around a hundred and twenty lovenox-blood thinner shots.  But who's counting.

p.s. my hair is growing and I actually used a blow dryer on it yesterday.

    

It's all in the Perspective

On my way to the hospital for my chemo and infusion parties, I drive past this sign.  It always makes me smile.

Are the Dog's bones smoked or the Bones for the dogs smoked???

I guess a lot of times how we view our experiences in life are determined by our perspective at that moment.  Going through this roller coaster of treatments over the last year and half  I have realized how huge cancer and the weapons used to fight it, affect the body, the mind, the spirit, and the emotions.  What you think affects how you feel, and what you feel physically affects how you think.  Your perspective has a huge impact on the rest of you. 

   Sometimes when I read the sign on the road, I just feel like stopping in for a tasty snack for my dogs.  At other times I can read the sign  and think of holding on to my dogs tight before they are caught by the mean butcher who is turning innocent dogs into tasty treats.  Okay it also makes me smile.

What I'm trying to say is all of us have challenges and experiences everyday that require us to react.  We can choose to limit our perspective to negative thoughts or we can choose to react with a positive attitude and find a way to learn from what we are experiencing.  

I am still learning. I have lots of practice and a long ways to go.  When I don't feel good this is tough.  Those are the times I can't think about the future, or my messy house, or what needs to be done on "My List."  Those are the times when I have to count my blessings and pray.  Thanking the Lord for my blessings and asking for an increase in courage and strength.  I always feel better.  No matter how I feel physically; I always feel better spiritually, mentally and emotionally after taking my burdens to the Lord and realizing the good in my life, and praying for others who are experiencing there own challenges and need the Lord's help.  It's amazing how that works.  It can change your perspective. 

  

Now I think my dogs need a tasty snack....mmm how about a smokey dog bone.

P.S.  Will someone please call and remind of this when I'm having a bad day?

One's first step in wisdom is to question everything - and one's last is to come to terms with everything.

Georg C. Lichtenburg

My Report Card

         Going on a "Dog Walk" with Trent and Spencer. (I walk they run)

Last week I went to Huntsman for tests.  Labs, a PET/CT scan and a bone marrow biopsy.  I must be getting better at this.  It all seemed very routine.  I felt little anxiety and even the biopsy was easier. I guess this is a good thing since I will be having these, hopefully at much longer intervals, for the rest of my life.   On Tuesday we met with Dr. Tricot to go over all the results.  

     

My numbers are good. I pour over the lab reports trying to understand what each of the results mean.  This is a huge and overwhelming task for me in my "Chemo foggy" brain.  but I guess it is a good mental exercise.  I borrowed some of the analogy's from several other cancer blogs.  (I hope they don't mind.)

Here are a few of the lab test results compared to when I was diagnosed.  I was sure one “sick puppy” when I was diagnosed.  It is amazing looking back that I was as sick and tired as I was and thought it was just from being a busy wife and mother.

 When a person has myeloma they have an unusually high number of plasma cells in the bone marrow.  These are completely different then the white plasma cells in the blood.  Somewhere along the line one of these plasma cells turned to the "dark side" and begin multiplying itself over and over and never dying like a normal cell.  In most people there are 1% to 2% plasma cells in the marrow.  At diagnosis I had 80% plasma cells!!  I even have some lovely pictures taken from the first biopsy magnified 1000X.   They were crowding out other good cells which produce immunoglobulins or proteins to help fight infections.  Because I had evil cancer cells lurking in my marrow they sent out way too much protein into the blood and that was the first red flag.  Now for the good news.  I now have 1% plasma cells!

The next myeloma marker is the Beta 2 Microglobulin.  This shows how advanced the disease is. You want it to be less than 3. At diagnosis mine was 4.4.  It is now 2.8mg/l.

Your total protein is made up of several specific types.  The myeloma is classified by one of these.  I have IgG. The normal range is between 600 - 1500. At diagnosis my IgG was 9,286 mg/dl!!  It was 164 in Oct. but bounced up to 850 this time.  I panicked when I saw this but the Dr. explained that this is because I have been getting IVIG infusions every month to boost my immunities through the winter and that this is nothing to worry about. wheww.

Hemoglobin is an iron level is important because mm can cause sever anemia.  Normal levels are 12 to 15.5)  If it goes below 9 then I have to get a blood infusion.  I haven’t had one for months. It was 11.5 this last time.  

The PET/CT scan reported lots of different findings which I don’t understand however I do see lots of “normal” findings. Yea!  At diagnosis there were hundreds of lytic lesions throughout the skeleton.  They now report no focal lesions and no sites of tumor involvement.  I continue to receive 

Aredia infusions once a month to harden and strengthen the bones. They must be working. 

Have I lost you yet?  Those are a few of the test results that I quickly wrote down while visiting with the Dr.  I will be getting the lab report in the mail in a few days.  

So the good news is I am in Complete Remission.  There is no signs of active cancer. But we have chosen not to just treat this rare cancer but to aggressively work towards curing it and for that I am now on maintenance treatment of Velcade, Thalidomide, and Dexamethasone for a year.  I am half way through.  It is grueling.  I feel like Bozo the clown punching bag.  I am just starting to stand upright and then someone comes along and punches me back down.  It’s quite the life.  But it’s my life and I have much to live for and so much to be thankful for.  

   

I have an amazing husband and family.  I find so much joy just being around the love and energy of a household full of active, involved, good children.  I have faith in God that this mountain I am on is part of God’s plan for me.  That this mountain under me moves as I continue to climb and overcome the obstacles in my path with help from God and the support of my family and friends.  I am blessed!

Taking it One Day at a Time

Everyday is an adventure. Will this be a good day when I have some energy and can function as a wife and mother? Or will this be a day to go easy on myself and strive to endure until things improve? I am in my 6th cycle of Chemo. Velcade, Dex and Thalidomide. Half way if I can stand it. I have been trying to track a pattern as to what days I can expect to feel good. It seems to be somewhat erratic lately. My Doctor thinks it might be my bodies reaction as I come off the steroid the days following chemo. I am going to try a gradual let down and approach and see if that might prevent the big crashes and pain I have been dealing with. Cross your fingers. The crashes are not fun! My husband has to convince me that I can do this when I start thinking about just quitting the rest of treatment. He reminds me to take it one day at a time. Wow have I got a lot to learn.. but cancer is a very patient teacher and my perspectives of many things have changed and deepened. So I am continuing to trudge along. Looking forward to improved health and appreciating the good things and wonderful people in my life.

O Christmas Tree

This is our Christmas tree. It is crooked. It has fallen down three times. After the last “timber” incident Spencer exclaimed, “There is always something happening around our house!” Ain't that the truth! A year ago, a few months after I was diagnosed with cancer I was shocked to discover that life went on. My world continued to spin. (Albeit on a slightly crooked axis.) Cancer did not exempt me and my family from the ups and downs of life. The car still broke down. The fridge needed repairs. The kids still had homework and missing assignments, and the finances became a little slimmer just like everyone else. I discovered that, like Spencer said, there continues to be something always happening at our house. I think that’s called life. Our Christmas tree makes me smile. It is not pretty. The decorations are a variety of “kid-friendly” ornaments collected over the years. After the third time the tree toppled over, everything was just quickly tossed back up. I don’t think I would have left the tree in this condition b.c. (before cancer) Now my crooked Christmas tree makes me smile. It reminds me of my life over the past year. Last December I was going through high dose chemo in preparation for stem cell harvest and transplant. I stayed with my parents to be close to the hospital. My family had Christmas without me. It was extremely hard for all of us. Just like our Christmas tree, my life is not perfect. My home is not perfect. My clothes are not expensive and my car is not shiny, or brand new. Just like my tree I occasionally fall down and I need someone to prop me back up... but this December I am here in my home with my Christmas decorations, my Christmas music and with my crooked Christmas tree. I am here to be apart of “something always happening at our house.” I am here to enjoy Christmas parties, and visits with friends and relatives. I am here to soak in the love of my husband and children. I am here to celebrate the birth of our Savior who came to earth to atone for ours sins and to bless us with his spirit. To strengthen us in our challenges and to provide us with opportunities to help prop each other up. Our lives, like my Christmas tree, might never be perfect. I think what matters more are the people who are around the tree. Merry Christmas and a Happy and Healthy New Year

CAT problems

Several weeks ago we had CAT problems! One evening after going to bed we heard a kitten crying outside the bedroom window. My husband went outside and looked for the kitten. He figured it must have ran off because the mewing had stopped. So we went to sleep til about 11:30pm when it started up again. Luckily my 17yr. old son had just come in and we asked him to see if he could find it. He went downstairs into the bathroom and opened up the window where the kitten was stuck in the window well. As soon as he reached to grab it, The scared kitten jumped out of his hands into the bathroom and down some duct work under the counter that did not have a vent cover on it. " Just great!" now we had a scared kitten running around in the duct work of our basement. My son put some food and water by the hole, shut the door and hoped it would come out in the night. Well it apparently did come out because some of the food was gone, but climbed back in the hole and wandered around-- for two days! We heard it "crying" in another area of the basement-- for two days! We never saw the cat but it did continue to come out for food and water and then quickly went back into the black hole--for two days! Some thing had to be done! The last thing we needed was a dead cat in the heat and duct work. It was time for an "official family meeting" to solve this problem. Several ideas were discussed. We laughed at some of the more outrageous ones. Everyone had an opinion. Finally this is what we came up with. After several attempts it finally worked! A rubbermaid container, a stick, and tuna fish....... And that- my friends- has nothing to do with cancer!!

Laying Low

My how time flies when your having fun! It is already December! Blogging as well as many other things were put on "the back burner" during the past few weeks. The month of November was pretty tough. I relished the good days but they were few and far between. Chemo treatments, adjusting to some changes in medications, and a stubborn sinus infection which refused to leave kept me down. I am hoping and praying that things will improve. The Doctor put me on monthly IVIG (immunoglobulin) treatments which should increase my immunities and help keep away these pesky infections. I have to keep reminding myself that all of these drugs and treatments are to help me. They are the prickly friends who are searching for the enemy lurking in the bone marrow. May they be mean and nasty to the hard-to-kill cancer cells and kind and gentle to my tired body.

Happy Cancer Day

One year ago today I was diagnosed with cancer. This morning my husband wished me "Happy Cancer Day." Wow what a year! Who would have thought a year ago that: I could give myself a shot (a blood thinner) every night without even flinching. That I would lose all my hair... twice. That I would finally get down below my "goal weight".....and then gain it all back. That I can lay down during the morning, afternoon, and evening... and not fill guilty. That I can impress family and friends with a list a page long of all the medications I take. That I know more about cancer than anyone should have to. Who would have thought a year ago that I would even know what multiple myeloma is. Wow what a year! We celebrated by meeting with my Doctor at Huntsman. Last week I had an MRI, blood work, and another biopsy. Today we went over the results. Everything looks good and "my numbers" are where they are supposed to be. We celebrated by going to lunch. Maybe tomorrow I'll bake a cake.

I GOT A TICKET TO RIDE!

Welcome to my rollercoaster. 

 (that's me and my son on the 2nd row in the first picture and another son and my husband on the first row in the 2nd pic. Yea for Disneyland!)

I am on maintenance therapy for a whole year!!! I am just finishing up the third cycle-nine more to go! This consists of a quick IV push of Velcade on days 1 and 4 and 15 and 18. It's basically chemo two times every other week. I am also on Dexamethasone-a steriod during those weeks and Thalidomide everyday.  

Some of you may remember hearing about this drug.  It was used in Europe in the 50's and early 60's as an anti nausea drug for pregnant women.  It then cost less than $2.00 a pill. It caused terrible birth defects and was taken off the market.  About twenty years ago it was discovered that it kills myeloma cells. It now costs over $5100 a month-thank you insurance!  I have to take a test and survey every month to assure the drug maker-Celegene that I am not pregnant-fun! 

   All of these drugs include side effects and a free ticket to ride the roller coaster.  The games begin on the Monday of Velcade when I am at the top of the ride. By Thursday I go in for my second dose and I am heading down the track faster and faster.  "okay just relax and take a deep breathe," I say to myself as my energy drains and my stomach begins to churn (not too bad they have good drugs for that) I get chubby checks and a red face.  I get shaky and achy from the steriod and have a hard time sleeping. My hands and feet go numb and tingly.  By the weekend I am dragging and hit the bottom of the track physically, mentally, and emotionally.  Do I raise my hands high in the air and scream as I go down or continue the white-knuckle grip through the whole ride? Is this the time to hold on tight or the time to let go?  Let go of the fear and  remind myself that things will get better. To draw close to God and rely on faith in him.  To replace the "death grip" of fear with faith in God and his plan for me.  I am slowly learning. 

 Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Be careful for nothing; but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God.

 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds through Christ Jesus.”

    I Peter 5:6-7 says, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God; that he may exalt you in due time, Casting  all your care upon him; for he careth for you." 

"Jesus didn’t die on the cross so that we could go through life scared. Jesus died to take away our sins and our fears. He died to give us hope, to give us life, to give us something, often the only thing, we can trust with complete assurance."The Secret to Riding Roller Coasters  by Randall Willard ----(you can read it on the internet)

I am learning to reach for his hand as I descend down the track. Then I start "clackity clackity clack, slowly heading back up about Tuesday.  I can feel myself getting stronger each day and try to be somewhat productive as I clack back up the track.  Preparing myself for the next round the following Monday.  

WHAT A ROLLERCOASTER!!  

I am learning to plan my life around this ride with safety belts that never unlock to let you off! Couldn't I just hop on over to a happy little merry-go-round for a change in this crazy amusement park?

    I asked the nurse if my body would adjust and this would get easier.  To my dismay she said it will actually get harder because the Velcade will continue to build up in my body as the treatment continues. Yuck!  

  I do feel stronger on the off weeks as my body continues to recover from the stem cell transplants but I don't think I will be off running any marathons anytime soon. I consider the day a success if I can make dinner and do a load of laundry. 

  I know several people have wondered why I have to do this since I am in Complete remission.  Complete remission means there are no signs of active myeloma.  This treatment will hopefully kill off all the "sleeper cells" lurking inside my body.  The stem cell transplants and high dose chemo wacked off the dandelions now we go in for the roots.  

   This plan of attack we have chosen is the most aggressive form of treatment used in the U.S.  Most major cancer centers including the Mayo Clinic prefer using several different lower dose chemo drugs until they prove ineffective and then resort to one stem cell transplant.  

We chose to go with the most aggressive Total therapy 3 treatment.  Where you throw everything possible at the cancer before the cells know what hit them and have a chance to adapt.  Some studies show that this promises a longer remission which buys time until a cure is found.  

There is a lot of research and clinical studies being done.  New myeloma drugs are coming out about every six months.  There is much hope that a cure is coming.  I have to hope that that is the case.  

My husband is by my side on this ride, holding my hand as we race down this track together.  He constantly amazes me with his strength and ability to juggle so many things.  This is not any easier for him. So here we are riding this rollercoaster together, adjusting to this life, and relying on our family, friends and faith to pull us through and.... learning when to let go. 

What a ride! Wish us luck!

Reading Time

"The Mountain time is good for that as well, to make us think of the happiness in small things, to promise that we will savor each moment..."

              Beyond the Dragon Portal by Melissa Glenn Haber

PLenTy of NeW BeGinNinGs

   My kids are back in school.  I love this time of year.  There are plenty of new beginnings, fall weather, and high school football games.  

   Last week was an Open House for the elementary school.  I took my youngest son to meet his teacher and see his classroom.  We marched into his room and I proceeded to introduce myself to his 5th grade teacher.  I begin to explain that last year was a pretty tough year for our family and before I knew it I became a little emotional.  It was totally unexpected.  I had to take a few breaths before I could continue and explain the situation.  It didn't come out to clear and I ended up telling her I would email her with the details.  How do I explain how much I have worried about my son?

    This last school year as I was going through chemotherapy, two stem cell transplants, and living away from home for months at a time,  my husband and I were literally in "survival mode."I constantly worried about and prayed for my children.  I was the most concerned about Spencer my youngest.  He is my "baby."  He has a learning disability.  Central Auditory   Processing Disorder.  He can hear just fine but he has trouble processing information.  For example when he hears information about a horse he doesn't know whether to file it in his brain under horse or animal, or a form of transportation.  He had great teachers last year and he did make progress but it was hard to stay on top of things at home.

   I worry about all my kids.  A ten year old shouldn't have to worry about their mom.  He even asked me one time how long I was going to live.  I told him I am young, I have good Doctors, and I am doing everything I can possibly do so that I can be around as long as I can.   Probably till he is all grown up and has children of his own.  It was hard.

    I worry about my fourteen year old son.  This summer he went away for a week to summer camp.  Something must have happened up in the high Uintah Mountain air because when he came back his voice began cracking all the time.  My usual mild mannered boy occasionally turns into a monster unable to control his emotions.  This is not the best combination with a mom on chemo, and steriods.  I am learning that sometimes it is best to go in the other room and bite my tongue.  I love him and we are learning to enjoy the good times.

   I worry about my son Jace.  He is a senior at Maple Mountain High School.  A brand new school.  He is heavily involved in Student Council, Seminary Council, and Football.  I am just trying to keep track of him  at this point.  I just hope that he is making good choices.  Last year was pretty tough for him.  I felt so bad that I was unable to attend any of his wrestling matches.  I missed out on a lot.  

  I worry about my daughter Mallory.  No nineteen year old should have to drive their mother to the infusion room of the hospital and then watch as they administer chemo into her IV.  She had a pretty tough time last year.  She moved away from home to go to college.  Luckily it was only twenty minutes away from home.  She spent a lot of time back at home taking care of her younger brothers, shopping, taking care of their needs, and helping her dad.  She still managed to do well in school.

   I am finding that you never stop worrying about your children.  My oldest son is married, working and going to school.  His life with his wife just started when mine came crashing down.  I hope to be able to be more involved with them as my health improves.  

   I hope that through all of this my children have learned some valuable lessons that will have a positive impact on their lives.  That they have learned compassion, responsibility, and to rely more on their family.  That even though mom and dad won't always be there to listen to them, or solve their problems, they can always rely on God who listens and answers prayers in the way that is best.  That faith can replace the fear.  And that true happiness comes from making good choices  living a life with integrity, and doing your homework!

   So yes this past year has been pretty tough but it's time to move on.  Its time for new beginnings, beautiful fall weather, and a few good high school football games.

Summer

Summer is quickly coming to an end and my children are ready to go back to school.  Mom hasn't been too entertaining these days.  But I am adjusting to this new phase of treatment and learning to plan my life around the good weeks and bad weeks.  

  We have been able to do a few fun things together.

We went to Salt Lake City and visited This is the Place Monument and Heritage Park.  We stayed at a nice Hotel, The kids swam three times, had dinner at a Thai restaurant-delicious! and went to a lazer show.  Then we went to a family reunion the next day.  It was nice and relaxing to be together.

Some "rare" birds

In June we went to Star Valley, Wyoming. My favorite place. Stayed at the family cabin.  There's beautiful scenery, fresh crisp air and lots of room for kids and dogs to run.

Middle of the Night

"It's 3am and I can't sleep standin' on the edge of something much too deep."                                                                                                Sarah McClachlan

Actually It's "Dex week"  This steriod messes with my nerves, sleep, and patience.  But it does crazy things to cancer cells and the proteins they live off of.  So my family puts up with me.

         

        In the middle of the night here is what I think.

We are all lined up in heaven watching earthly gifts being handed out as people leave for earth.  Up ahead someone says, "Who wants cancer?"  I mistakenly hear "who wants answers?" I jump up and down, raise my hand high in the air and say. "I do, I do, Give me a big one!"  

P. S.  My hair is growing back!

Back in the High life Again?

 Today I am sitting on a beautiful green mountain top feeling a slight breeze while the smell of wild flowers wafts across my face and blows through my long, thick, curly, blonde hair (hey it’s my daydream!) The white puffy clouds dot the blue sky.  

    Today is a day of rest and reflection. My family and I have been looking forward to this moment for over nine long dark months.  It is a day to peer down off this steep mountain peak and realize how far I have climbed.  I am tired.  I am thirsty.  I have blisters and battle wounds but today, “I made it to this mountain peak and the mountain’s under me.” 

    We met with Dr. Tricot yesterday. I “aced” my tests and scans! All the results indicate that there are no signs of any active myeloma cells. I am in complete remission! 

    Now I wish I could dance through the field of daisies like Julie Andrews in the Sound of Music and say this is the end of my journey.  It is the end of days and weeks living away from the family.  It is the end of aggressive, high dose chemo, and two stem cell transplants but it is not time to retire my hiking boots yet.

       I will still be undergoing maintenance therapy for the next year.

This involves four chemo injections a month of Velcade, along with a steriod drug, Dexamethesone, and Thalidomide an “anti-cancer” medication. The Doctor explains that   this regimen will kill off the “sleeper cells” lurking in my body and give me the possibilities of a much longer remission.  

     I haven’t felt “normal” for over a year. I told Dr. Tricot that I would love to go off all the medication for a couple weeks to see what I feel like without any side effects.  He laughed and explained in his Belgium accent,  “You must remember what our objective is, you haven’t reached the finish line yet, but you are doing everything possible to get there and the rest is out of our hands.”

     These words brought me comfort and assurance that this dark, difficult journey for our family has been worth it.  That I have scaled this steep, sharp, rocky mountain knowing that I am doing everything I can possibly do to reach the top and to extend and improve my life.  The rest is in God’s hands.  

      I am tired.  I am thirsty.  I have blisters and battle wounds but today, “I made it to this mountain peak and the mountain’s under me.” 

Test Day

    Tomorrow is test day.  Joe and I will head up to Huntsman to see exactly how much progress has been made through chemo, two stem cell transplants, and specialized drugs.

     I will have lab tests run first, and bring in a 24 hr. urine collection (fun :0)  Then a bone marrow biopsy and aspirate.  If you want to see what this involves, there are some great videos on Youtube.  None of my sons were brave enough to watch, but my daughter and I watched them twice.

   I will also have a combination PET/CT scan.  This procedure takes about three hours, because first  they must inject you with a small tracer quanity of radioactive material that is attached to a sugar which goes to the metabolically active parts of your body.  You have to sit in a recliner in a quiet room for 45 minutes to give the sugar time to get where it needs to be before the procedure.  

   One time I brought a book to read, but the nurse told me I couldn't read because then all the particles would go to the brain. interesting.

    After a peaceful rest,  you are lead to the room with the big tunnel machine.  The nurse shows you where to lay down.  The blanket covered "bed," is abut 12 inches wide.  So you lay down with no place for your arms. Do I lay them across my chest or let them dangle to the floor? Then the nurse steps in with big black velcro straps.  She straps your legs together below the knees.  Then straps your arms closely to your body.  "snug as a bug in a rug!"

     That's the easy part.  "Let the magic show begin!" Now you must lie perfectly still for 45 minutes to an hour as the bed moves through the tunnel.  

    What do I do?  Do I sleep?  What do I think about?  The first few times I went through this procedure my objective was to try  not to think about anything.  Because one thought would lead to another and ultimately end up rather quickly back to cancer.  Bringing fears and fighting back the tears.  

   Now my mind wanders all over during the scan.  Last time I could not get a John Denver song out of my head.  "Country Roads take me home to the place I belong...  The problem was I forgot most of the words, but kept starting over, ugh! very frustrating!!

    When the test is over and the straps are removed from "the Magic show," they point the way down the hall to the waiting room.  The only good thing, I've decided, about this whole day, is I don't have to worry now (since I've lost my hair) of getting up and walking out the door with "bedhead!"

    Well there is no last minute cramming for me.  We will get the results of the tests from Dr. Tricot next Wednesday.  Wish me Luck.  We are expecting the best.  I will keep you posted.

                                Love, Kris