August 25, 2009

PLenTy of NeW BeGinNinGs

   My kids are back in school.  I love this time of year.  There are plenty of new beginnings, fall weather, and high school football games.  

   Last week was an Open House for the elementary school.  I took my youngest son to meet his teacher and see his classroom.  We marched into his room and I proceeded to introduce myself to his 5th grade teacher.  I begin to explain that last year was a pretty tough year for our family and before I knew it I became a little emotional.  It was totally unexpected.  I had to take a few breaths before I could continue and explain the situation.  It didn't come out to clear and I ended up telling her I would email her with the details.  How do I explain how much I have worried about my son?

    This last school year as I was going through chemotherapy, two stem cell transplants, and living away from home for months at a time,  my husband and I were literally in "survival mode."I constantly worried about and prayed for my children.  I was the most concerned about Spencer my youngest.  He is my "baby."  He has a learning disability.  Central Auditory   Processing Disorder.  He can hear just fine but he has trouble processing information.  For example when he hears information about a horse he doesn't know whether to file it in his brain under horse or animal, or a form of transportation.  He had great teachers last year and he did make progress but it was hard to stay on top of things at home.

   I worry about all my kids.  A ten year old shouldn't have to worry about their mom.  He even asked me one time how long I was going to live.  I told him I am young, I have good Doctors, and I am doing everything I can possibly do so that I can be around as long as I can.   Probably till he is all grown up and has children of his own.  It was hard.

    I worry about my fourteen year old son.  This summer he went away for a week to summer camp.  Something must have happened up in the high Uintah Mountain air because when he came back his voice began cracking all the time.  My usual mild mannered boy occasionally turns into a monster unable to control his emotions.  This is not the best combination with a mom on chemo, and steriods.  I am learning that sometimes it is best to go in the other room and bite my tongue.  I love him and we are learning to enjoy the good times.

   I worry about my son Jace.  He is a senior at Maple Mountain High School.  A brand new school.  He is heavily involved in Student Council, Seminary Council, and Football.  I am just trying to keep track of him  at this point.  I just hope that he is making good choices.  Last year was pretty tough for him.  I felt so bad that I was unable to attend any of his wrestling matches.  I missed out on a lot.  

  I worry about my daughter Mallory.  No nineteen year old should have to drive their mother to the infusion room of the hospital and then watch as they administer chemo into her IV.  She had a pretty tough time last year.  She moved away from home to go to college.  Luckily it was only twenty minutes away from home.  She spent a lot of time back at home taking care of her younger brothers, shopping, taking care of their needs, and helping her dad.  She still managed to do well in school.

   I am finding that you never stop worrying about your children.  My oldest son is married, working and going to school.  His life with his wife just started when mine came crashing down.  I hope to be able to be more involved with them as my health improves.  

   I hope that through all of this my children have learned some valuable lessons that will have a positive impact on their lives.  That they have learned compassion, responsibility, and to rely more on their family.  That even though mom and dad won't always be there to listen to them, or solve their problems, they can always rely on God who listens and answers prayers in the way that is best.  That faith can replace the fear.  And that true happiness comes from making good choices  living a life with integrity, and doing your homework!

   So yes this past year has been pretty tough but it's time to move on.  Its time for new beginnings, beautiful fall weather, and a few good high school football games.


Rochelle said...

Thank you for sharing. I understand what it means to worry about your children. I do the same thing all the time. I haven't been through what you are going through, but I do beat myself up when I can't be there for my children like I would like to be there for them. Life still moves forward and our children still seem to learn and grow. I think you were right about them learning to rely on God. I am sure that your children will look back and see their growth and know that you were being the best mom that you could possibly be at those moments in their lives.

Bristy said...

I don't even know what to say. You've got me all choked up. I ran into an old acquaintance, Kacy Johnson, this week. She asked about you and your family and I choked up then telling her your story. You and Joe are wonderful parents and examples of God. Keep on climbing! And thanks for sharing!;)

tim's wife said...

I understand how you feel. Since my hubby was diagnosed with MM in 07, we have worried so much about our daughter(who was going on 9 at that time). You never stop worrying about them. However, remember that you have given your kids many gifts and most of all you gave them each other. My daughter is an only child and I feel so guilty about that now. She has no one else to turn to who can truly understand what she's feeling. Your kids will always have their siblings to lean on and that is a true blessing. A built-in support system for sure. Stay well.

Unknown said...

Kris, I have been thinking of you all summer. My prayers have been with you. You have been blessed with such a beautiful family and they will be blessed their entire lives because of you, your strength and your example. Don't ever for get how much you are loved. May God watch over you and carry you through your trials. May you see his hand in all areas of your life is my prayer for you. Love, Marianna

monica said...

Hmmm...still worrying? Quit that. Let go, let God. Cancer, children, driving to the grocery store, doesn't matter what, we cannot do this life alone. He's got it all.

Give him your worries. Quit trying to take them back. He shouldered more than this before, and did magnificant things with it.

While completely normal, worry will eat you. Concentrate on the gifts, not the give backs. Spencer (and the rest of the kids) will be fine. I have met his parents, and they are in his corner. The children have places at the head table. They are blessed beyond measure.

Cancer can take a lot of things from you, but your ability to love and be a great mom to your kids isn't one of them. It also doesn't rob your children of the ability to be great kids. (Which they are!) Breath. They will grow. They will be fine.

When they are old, and look back on their life they will say, "My mother loved us so much. She took care of us even when she had cancer. She went through all this ugly stuff and still managed to make me feel special."

Anderson Adventures said...

Kris, It is so good to catch up with your blog to see how things are going. I miss SF so much. You have such an amazing family and you are such an example to us all. Miss you.

Anonymous said...

I want to say a couple of words with regards to your son Jace. I have seen him work hard and be a leader everyday on the football field. It is very apparent to me and others that whatever you and your husband have instilled in him is working and working well. I had no idea of your health and I happened to stumble apon your blog this morning. This goes to his character in that he has not mentioned this and uses no excuses. I will add you and your family to my prayers though we have never met I only wish you the very best in this long difficult journey you and your family are going through. You have a great son and I am sure your other children are wonderful also.

all my prayers,

A Maple Mountain Football Coach

Fourteenth Year Cancerversary

              My husband and I at my 40th High School Reunion.                                                    Am I seriously that old?! ...