HOW TO MOVE A MOUNTAIN

Thanks for Loving Me Through It

2011-11-20T20:13:00.000-07:00

Thanks Mom, Dad, Joe, Tyler, Dani, Trevor, Mallory and to all those who continue to love me through this mountain that I face. You give me courage and hope as this journey continues.

I CHOOSE TWO

2011-10-29T19:53:00.000-06:00

One thousand and ninty five days ago today, we found out that I had cancer. The doctor said it was Multiple Myeloma. " Multiple what?" "It's a bone cancer," he replied and the rest is history.......

Well it has been three years since that dark day. I can't remember the name of the doctor, where his office was, or what he looked like. I never went back to him because he was not an oncologist. I can't remember what I wore, or ate, but some of the smallest details still stick in my brain.

"Could you please write down the name of the cancer for me?" I asked. He tried to explain more to Joe. I remember none of the conversation.

The memories of the day have stopped and started a million times over in my head through the last three years.

I think it is time now to decide exactly what to do with this day.

I need to decide if I should even remember it, honor it, or rip it off my calendar and tear it into a million tiny pieces never to be recognized again.

Fot the past three years, I have remembered this as a day I want to forget.

What do I do now?

I guess I can choose two ways of looking at this day.

ONE

As a time to look back and focus on the disbelief, shock, and terror from the day

Shock and Terror!

Jace holding an Iguana in Puerto Rico. Now that's scarry!

Two

I can use this day to help me rejoice and celebrate the Mountains I've climbed,

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Here's Tabitha enjoying Autumn and Halloween

The things I have learned.

The people who helped me get here.

My son Jace who is serving an LDS mission in Puerto Rico

and the Gifts of Life that God has given me each of those one thousand and ninty five days.

Tabi and I enjoying a local Halloween celebration on Main Street.
We passed out 80lbs. of candy from our martial arts studio!

Today I Choose Two!

Still Climbing

2011-10-24T16:18:00.002-06:00

My hopes for a steady recovery after finishing treatment in August were postponed for a while. September started off great. Tabitha turned one. We had a birthday party at the park. Tabi was the entertainment as we watched her enjoy her very own birthday cake.

My little grandaughter is now toddling(walking) around the house and keeping her teenage uncles busy keeping her out of trouble as she explores our home.

What sunshine she brings to my life!

Mid September brought some challenges that had me sliding down this mountain I've been climbing. I even had to put on my extra bracelet for the climb.

                I've explained about my "couragelet" before but can't find the post.
                                             ( ker-age-lets, yes I made up that word!)
I was given my first "couragelet by a Peruvian woman in a village where I was staying with my daughter. We spent two weeks in Peru with a humanitarian project.   I wore the bracelet when I climbed Macchu Pichu and have worn others like them from Peru since I began my mm mountain climb.

After several regular visits to my oncologist, the P.A. (physicians assistant) noticed some increased numbers having to do with liver function.  She suggested that I have an ultrasound. The results came back positive for .........."Non-alcoholic fatty liver disease." Probably caused by steriods... definitely not alcohol since I have never drank any. (somehow that seems funny to me. There has got to be a joke in there somewhere!) After the initial panic, my internet research suggests that this is pretty common, rarely shows any symptoms, and can sometimes be cured through diet and exercise. I have an appointment with a GI specialist in November to figure it all out. Until then I'm putting it on the back plate.

Well my friends those steriods haven't finished with me yet! Around mid September, I started to notice my stomach aching after I ate and really hurt if I drank pop. It began to worsen until I was feeling nauseous all the time. I visited my oncologist several times. I went to the hospital infusion room twice for IV fluids and zofran-an anti-nausea medicine. It just did not seem to work! I was having more nausea and vomiting more than when I was on chemo! something was wrong and I was getting very discouraged! Finally the Dr. suggested I get a scope.

On Tuesday the 18th, I went in for an endoscopy procedure where they sedated me then put a scope down my esophagus and to the stomach looking for anything unusual. Strangely I was worried if they found something and also worried if they didn't. At that point after being sick and tired of being sick and tired, I just wanted to get some meds to knock me out and keep me under as long as possible.

Well before I could count backwards from ten to seven, it was over. The doctor -who was an hour late starting! and trying to catch up, came in when I woke up with the news that I now have an ulcer at the bottom of my esophagus probably due to.....steriods! ugh!! He quickly wrote me out a presciption for omeprazole and he was out the door. I have been on this med. for three years but quit in early September after Dr. Tricot told me I didn't need it anymore. Huh? What?!!. Dexamethasone strikes again!

So now I had an answer but that still did not make me feel any better physically. Luckily, on Friday I had an appointment with my own medical detective. Dr. Jane is an oncologist who specializes in pain management and medication side effects. She thoroughly went through all of my meds and symptoms. Some I have and some I didn't know I have. She worked her magic, changed some meds, and said that she could help me feel better. I wanted to run over and hug her!! It will take about 6weeks to heal this ulcer. I should start feeling better much sooner. I'm also hoping be able to get rid of some of the pain and neuropathy too.

So thats where I've been the last couple months and here's what I've learned:
1. I need to go to a GI because I have NAFSand GERD from an ULCER which I got from DEX and RXs for treatment for MM.
2. Being sick without knowing why has been tough. I'm trying to be tougher.
3. Being physically sick is hard on the soul. I've been doing a lot of soul searching.
4. The most important things in life aren't things. They are my faith and my family and a good husband who brings me yogurt smoothies, black licorice, and back rubs whenever I need them!   Thank-You!

You Can't Get Better Than Zero!

2011-08-23T02:46:00.000-06:00

The glass doors swoosh and blow a little air into my face as I leave the underground parking lot and enter the hospital headed for the elevators. I always push the “up” button with the middle joint of my middle finger. Have you ever thought of how many germs have accumulated on those elevator buttons? ! I am much more cautious about such things now.

No matter how many times I have entered these doors, rode this elevator, headed for floor number 2, clinic B. I always think back of my first visit. It has been 33 months. Almost three years. This place used to be my battle zone. Today I just want to put all of that behind me. Today I see if I have won the war.

The elevator doors open and I leave my dark memories behind. I step into the beautiful lobby and almost feel at home as I enter the clinic. I know many of the nurses and employees by name and even more by face. I haven’t been here for six months; I used to spend so much of my life here in the beginning.

These people know what I have been through. They understood the fear in my eyes and the crack in my voice when I began treatment. They have seen me at my worst. Holding my hand and reminding me to breathe while I brace myself for the bone marrow biopsy. Drawing countless vials of blood and asking about how my family is doing; What I did for summer vacation. They remind me that I can do this. Hopefully they will see me at my best.

Maybe that is why I wore a dress to my appointment today. Last Thursday I went through the usual tests. (see test results on side bar) Not that there is anything usual or common about them. Today Dr. Tricot head of research and expert oncologist of multiple myeloma (Not melanoma) will go over test results and discuss with me the “Plan.” (This is where Alex Trebek comes in with the music from Jeopardy. Hum a long if you would like. Da da Da da. da da da.)

And this is what he said in his Belgium accent................."Things look perfect and you cannot get better than perfect.” Which interpreted into Western English means. I am done with treatment! My numbers are doing what they are supposed to. And to further explain he added....."You can't get better than zero!"

I am DONE with treatment

One year of not-one-but-two stem cell transplants. High dose Chemotherapy and recovery.

ONE year of Velcade (more chemo) Thalidomide, Revlimid (ugly friends that help "the velcade go down" and do it's dirty work.

ONE year of the nasty but effective steroid that helped me gain 20 lbs, chubby cheeks, and ADD. (Attention Deficit Disorder.)

So after 33 months of very aggressive treatment I am looking forward to a very, very long remission and hopeful cure. My beloved Belgium doctor thinks that I have a good shot at it. I'm taking his word for it.

Stay tuned: What happens now?

And now for a little help from my friends. How does one celebrate such an occasion? Any suggestions from a double scoop of chocolate mint ice cream in a waffle cone to an exotic cruise on a limited budget will be considered.

Dex Reflections

2011-08-09T01:09:00.000-06:00

DEX REFLECTIONS

by Kris Kelly 8/25/10

I sit in the warm grainy sand.

Back and forth I massage my tingly toes and feet in the warmth of the grains.

Messaging my mind with myeloma thoughts.

Always there when my world is quiet.

The hot sun warms my cold bones,

my chemo curls.

The hot sun melts into my parched skin

dried from drugs, and side effects.

I don’t recognize parts of this body anymore.

Portraits from my past are just faint ripples

of my reflection in the water now.

My youthful appearance changes as the effects

of dex puff and fluff shaking my nerves, my hands, my patience.

The dex waves this week seem stronger.

The foaming swirls swoosh up to my ankles.

lapping at my soul.

threatening to overcome my positive thoughts

my marching-forward-attitude, my sunshine.

I breathe deep, sleep more, try to protect my children from my pain.

I’m hiding my slacking energy behind the strong shoulders of my beloved.

I breathe, I wait, I pray, and then...

The draining dex waves slink back into the sea

and once again I can see the hidden gifts left behind

in the wet, cool, sand.

The shiny twisted shells of miracles.

Each one a unique blessing.

The life I have been given, the smooth, peaceful thoughts of family, love, God.

The tender mercies of my Saviour glistening among the grains.

and I arise stiffly, slowly and walk back to my world preparing for another round.

I was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma October 2008. Dexamethasone was the first medication I was prescribed. I have been on this steroid continuously since then. Two weeks ago I finished up my last round of Dex. I go in for blood tests, a PET scan and a biopsy next week and then meet with my Oncologist at Huntsman a few days later. Assuming that my "numbers" are all good, I will be done with maintenance treatment!

I was feeling pretty poetic and somewhat dramatic as I wrote this poem a year ago. I just wanted to get down on paper what I felt on my "dex days."

Irresistible!

2011-07-31T22:02:00.001-06:00

"Little Miss Tabitha."

My sweet grandaughter is almost eleven months old. She brings so much joy into my life.
Tabi is walking around furniture and starting to say a few words. Last week I moved one of her toys and she said, "no, no no!" She gives her doll "loves," laughs at my dogs, and loves to read books. I am so glad she lives nearby.
Tabi is the center of attention. When our family gathers, she sits on her blanket and plays with her toys and we circle around her and watch in amazement and awe. I love being a grandmother!

And now for those living in my area...I am renting out my preschool building and supplies. Please help me spread the word. Ghttp://www.facebook.com/?ref=homeo here for more information.

Miracles

2011-07-25T04:54:00.000-06:00

July 24th is Pioneer Day. This day is set aside as a time to honor the Pioneers who traveled across the united states to Utah so that they could have religious freedom as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (mormons). Many of my ancestors were Pioneers. They joined the church in England and went through many hardships in order to settle in the west.
   I have often thought about the sacrifices they demonstrated and the courage they must have had. My great, great Grandfather was Samuel Lane Crook from Apperly, Gloucestershire,England. His family listened to the message of the missionaries and were baptized. His sister Elizabeth Crook Panting and Samuel were able to buy passage on the ship "Thorton" to come to America. I have always been fascinated by their stories.
   Here is a small account of Elizabeth's story.
   Elizabeth Crook Panting was born 7 May 1855. She married Frederick Panting. He was considered the "town drunk." When Elizabeth joined the church he was quite upset. Elizabeth secretly saved up enough money to buy tickets for her and her children to leave for America.
   As they boarded a train to begin their journey. Fredrick came looking for them. Elizabeth was scared of what he would do to them. She prayed and asked God for help. A thought came to her to exchange bonnets with the woman sitting next to her and ask another family to watch her children. As her husband walked the aisles of the train before it began to move, he looked back and forth at the faces looking for his wife. He had a gun only half way hidden in his pocket. He stared Elizabeth in the face and then walked on by unable to recognize her. The first of many miracles in her journey.

After crossing the Atlantic Ocean and traveling further across their land of promise by steamboat and train, Elizabeth, Christopher (5), and Jane (1) began their handcart trek in Iowa City, Iowa.

Elizabeth was privileged to experience another miracle during her journey to Zion. She told the story of this miracle to her daughter, Jane, repeatedly throughout her life. As Jane (Panting Bell) grew older she told this story to her children and grandchildren:

As the Willie Company traveled along the plains, they had many trials which slowed them down considerably. Little Jane rode in the handcart and was very ill. Her mother didn’t dare to stop to take care of her as she pulled her handcart along. She would call to her son, Christopher, to ask if Jane was dead yet. When they reached Ft. Laramie, the expected provisions were not waiting, and they had to continue on with reduced food rations. On October 14, after another reduction was made in rations, Elizabeth went out to gather some buffalo chips to make a small fire to warm what little food was left for her children. She had on a long, full apron and had almost filled it with the buffalo chips when a man came up to her suddenly (and seemingly out of nowhere) and inquired as to the circumstances of the company. Elizabeth told the man that most of them were starving and were in great need. He asked her to follow him, saying perhaps he could help a little. Shaking the buffalo chips from her apron, Elizabeth followed the man. They went over a small hill out of sight of the camp, where he led her to a cave where a lot of dried buffalo meat was hanging. Elizabeth told her granddaughter, June Cranney Monson, that there were shelves of books on one side of the cave that looked like the Book of Mormon gold plates. She said they looked as if they were sealed. The man loaded as much meat in Elizabeth’s apron as she could carry and told her to share with the other people. Then he led her out of the cave and to the top of a small hill and pointed out the camp below, cautioning her not to get lost. As Elizabeth turned back to the man to thank him after she had looked where he had pointed to the camp, he had disappeared. She looked for the cave and could not find any trace of it, but she still had the dried meat. She went back to camp and divided the meat out to the ones that were in the most need, no doubt saving lives.
The Martin handcart company were stranded in a place called Martin's Cove, Wyoming. Many of the members never made it that far. the rest of the company were taken on to Salt Lake City. My great,great aunt eventually lived in Logan, Utah where she married and had nine more children.
Elizabeth has been a great example in my life. I have thought of her courage, faith, and strength many times in the last few years.

My own challenges seem small compared to what she faced. As she demonstrated continuous faith on her journey, she was blessed.

I am so grateful to have such a strong example in my life. Thank you Aunt Elizabeth. Miracles do happen. God does bless our lives. He does know our needs.

Moments that Matter

2011-07-20T00:24:00.000-06:00

One of the first moments I remember as a four year child was swinging on the swing set in our back yard. I was wearing a white dress with blue flowers and a big blue collar. As I went back and forth i sang with all my heart a song I made up about how much Jesus loves us. This must have been a moment that really mattered in my life to have remembered it for so many years. I love this message and I'm sure you will.

A BEaUtifUL MeSs

2011-06-09T22:04:00.002-06:00

Family Easter Egg Hunt.
That cute little bunny is my grand daughter.

How can I explain all that has gone on in the past several months? Life just seems to roll along and sometimes I can roll along with it and keep up with the daily normalcy of life. Other times I have been the rock that silently lies still and immovable as life swirls too swiftly for me to catch up.

So How am I doing?

I am trying to make it through the last three months of maintenance therapy. It seems to be getting harder. I have been on 20 mg of Dexamethasone every three weeks. I take it on days 1-4. I used to get a little energy on those days but thats seems to be dwindling.

From about day 5 to to 14 I get severe fatigue, achy muscles, and pain. I slowly work my way back up and feel pretty good for a few days and then start all over again on day 21. If all tests are good I should be off of any treatment by September. If I can hold out that long. It is SO tempting to just call it quits! I have too many things to do, projects to accomplish, and people to do it with to spend half my life laying down!

So that's the latest report on “How I’m doing.” I’m just telling it like it is.

As for the home front it has been filled with great things as well as crisis. I am writing about these things not to brag but explain how great, as well as crazy my life has been lately.

Trevor and Mallory. UVU graduation April 2011

Mallory our only daughter graduated from Utah Valley University in April. She received a Bachelors degree in Behavioral Science. We are so proud of her! She has worked so hard to get through school quickly and can hopefully Trevor can do the same.

Our son Jace has been out in the mission field for about ten weeks. He Loves Puerto Rico and the people there. Every week we wait anxiously for his next email. Right now he is in Ponce. He rides a bike along with another missionary-called his companion. The companion instructed Jace on the fine art of catching lizards. So as they are traveling along on their bikes they will catch a few and put them on their backpacks where they stay until taken off. He has met many nice people and certainly stands out in a crowd. He said several grandmothers tell him he has beautiful blues eyes.

It is so fun to share in his adventure. If you would like to read parts of the letters he sends home you can go here.

Our two sons at home are keeping life rolling along, as I said before sometimes I can keep up and sometimes life just swirls around me. Thankfully my husband pulls up the slack and spends a lot of needed time with them.

Last month, my son Trent completed his eagle project, which took much planning and preparation. He and several friends painted several buildings at a campground. The total project took over 100 service hours to complete. Trent demonstrated leadership and organizational skills to complete it.

Our church has a very strong scouting program for boys and we really feel like it helps build Young men. In a couple weeks their troop will go camping and river rafting.

Oh also this past month Spencer tested for his black belt. He has worked really hard and for years to accomplish this goal. It was more challenging to him then his older brothers, We are so proud of him for sticking with it. Now all my family have earned their black belts.

Joe, Tyler, and Spencer after getting his blackbelt.

(whew stay with me here I’m not done yet.)

So life has been just rolling along until Thursday May 26. That evening I really understood what it felt like to come so close to losing my husband. As far as we can figure he choked on something and passed out. When Trent and I found him he was turning blue with sporadic breathing. I had Trent call an ambulance while I called my neighbor who is a Nurse Practitioner. I was a basket case- (I guess becoming an EMT is out of the question for me.) Luckily his heart kept beating and he was getting some oxygen. He was taken to the hospital and ended up spending three days there. He had aspirated into his lungs so he was kept sedated and incubated for 24 hrs while they cleaned out his lungs and ran every imaginable test. Nothing was conclusive. The best possible medical reason this happened was that he just choked on something. Thank goodness the other possibilities were extremely serious. Non-the-less this incident completely humbled us.

My body was already worn down from “dex week” and then with this added crisis, I ended up with an ugly case of pneumonia. I’m sure you can imagine the chaos at our home this past week as he was recovering and I was getting sicker. I am so eternally grateful for strong family and neighbor support.

Me at Huntsman Cancer Institute where I was treated
March 2011

I have basically written the facts or events of the last few months, however the feelings and emotions are somewhat overwhelming. It has been hard! and brings plenty of fresh prospective on what really matters. I thought I pretty well had that covered with getting cancer but apparently the Lord has much more for us to learn. It is absolutely a “Beautiful Mess” right now but as the song says, “here we are.” I am still here and my husband is still here and we and our family are in this for the long haul. But I do thinks its time for a vacation!

Sweet Sacrifice

2011-03-24T23:43:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, March 23, 2011 was one of those "big red letters days on my calendar." Our son began two years of service as a mormon missionary. What a beautiful, happy, sad, and bittersweet day. We dropped him off at a mission training center. He will be there for three weeks. Then he will fly to the Dominican Republic where he will receive more training in the spanish language as well as religious education. After that he will begin his service in Puerto Rico.
I'm sure all parents can relate how this feels to watch your child leave your home and walk into their future. I question myself. Have I done enough? Have I taught him all he needs to know? Will he be able to live independently and live on more that Macaroni and Cheese? My mind has been reeling with a thousand questions, but my heart has been calm.
I have felt so many "sweet whisperings," from heaven as I have watched my son decide and prepare for this mission. Prepare to share the message of Jesus Christ and serve the people of Puerto Rico. He will be sacrificing much, as will we, however we have been given much. "Where much has been given, much is required." You can read my about missionary service below. I copied this from www.mormon.org/missionaries. I will occasionally post some of his experiences here.

One of the greatest gifts I received this last christmas came from this son. It was a letter written to me. Jace expressed his love and gratitude for me and wrote what a huge impact my cancer experience had him. He said it had made him stronger and helped him prepare for his decision to serve a mission. Now there are few things about cancer that are truly blessings but seeing how it has brought changes into my and others lives has truly been a "sweet sacrifice," in my own life.

Elder Kelly, (Mr. Personality)
Good Luck on this Amazing Journey!

Who are the Missionaries?

If you’ve seen them walking, riding their bikes or driving around your town, you’ve probably wondered what Mormon missionaries are doing, exactly.

Why would these young men and women choose to put on their dress clothes and traipse around strange parts of the world for two years? The Lord’s Church has always been a missionary church. Just as Jesus Christ and His disciples preached the gospel, more than 50,000 missionaries for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are spreading His word today. They are called to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ in all parts of the world. Most missionaries are about 20 years old, though many older married couples also choose to serve. Missionaries voluntarily put aside school, work and dating for about two years in order to serve the Lord at their own expense.

Communication with family is even limited to letters or email and very occasional phone calls so that they can focus wholeheartedly on serving the Lord and the people where they serve. During their two years of full time service they devote themselves to studying, meeting people and teaching about Jesus Christ and His restored Church. Their work is a labor of love, and most missionaries end up feeling they gained more than they gave by serving.

Laffi Tabi

2011-03-24T00:54:00.000-06:00

My silly grand-daughter. Sorry it's sideways. I'm still learning how to do this. There is nothing like a little laughter especially from a baby to make the world a brighter place.

Mat Talk

2011-02-15T14:13:00.000-07:00

Lest you think our family is obsessed with all things martial arts, I wanted to share something else we are involved in.

WRESTLING

(Trent, my 112 lb. 9th grade wrestler with the yellow shoes)

Joe started his career as a teacher and high school wrestling coach. He coached for ten years and has been involved with community wrestling since then.
When our first son was about two years old, he used to put all of his stuffed animals in a pile and run around them yelling, "two points! two points."

(Trent and Tyler. Brothers talking strategy)

Well, twenty-three years and four sons later, wrestling continues to play a big part in our lives. All of our sons have been quite successful in the sport.

Jace and Trent who took 5th in State!!

We just finished the official wrestling season last week. We spent two days at the Utah 4A State tournament cheering for our high school team and supporting my freshman son.

I feel so blessed to have been able to watch most of Trent's matches this year. I've missed so many of them over the past two years. Even if I don't understand all the moves and rules, and the seats get uncomfortable and the crowd gets so noisy, there is nothing better than being able to watch your child work and struggle and wrestle after paying the price in practice for weeks and months.

Jace declared the winner of a match last year

I live each second on the mat with him. My heart pounds in my chest with each point given. Whether the ref raises my wrestlers arm at the end .... or not, I was there standing on sidelines or seating in the stands rooting for him all the way. Feeling his successes or his failures, I am there.

   Wrestling is a lot like life. It's tough! We all need a lot of practice. Sooner or later we will be out on that mat by ourselves facing challenges and fighting to come out on top. Somethings we must face alone. We all must be prepared to face our opponents or situations and sometimes we must do it by ourselves; One on one against the opposition or problem. However, through the easy or the hard it is good to know there are family or fans cheering us on from the sidelines.
  I hope my sons and my daughters will know and understand that no matter what comes in their lives, I will be there cheering them on from the sidelines and enjoying my involvement in their lives.

Oh, and about me. I go to Huntsman for tests this week. Labs, an MRI, and another biopsy. Fun. Wish me Luck and may all my numbers be good.

The Family That Kicks Together-Sticks Together!

2011-01-26T22:24:00.000-07:00

The Kellys Oct. 2008

Front row: Mallory, Trent, Spencer

Back Row: Joe, Kris, Jace, Dani, Tyler

I went back to work this month.

Is it a job or an adventure hmmmmm?

I’m working at our family owned and operated martial arts studio.

The front desk

My family has been kicking in the martial arts for about twenty years.

It all started when my husband and my oldest son at 7 yrs. old began training.

Well to make a long story as short as possible......

Tyler competing in forms

In 1997, we opened our own martial arts studio in a building behind our home. My husband taught classes in his “spare time” in the evenings. Eventually our own children and several students also became instructors.

Spencer practicing self-defense

I used to run a preschool in the building during the day then move all my equipment out of the way and help run the studio in the evening. I look back now and think, “Wow! how did I ever do it.” I definitely don’t have enough immunities or energy now for four year olds.

In October of 2008, we moved to a building on Main Street and then to our current location a year ago. My son took over the management of the studio. (We opened a couple weeks before I was diagnosed with mm. I remember painting the walls and complaining how tired I was. :) Fortunately at that time, Joe was able to step back and spend more time caring for our family and me. What a blessing!

Tournament sparring

Well that’s the history in a nutshell. Maple Mountain Martial Arts continues to do well and as it grows a decision was made that the business needed a “studio mom.” Someone to run the front desk, tie Little Ninja’s belts, answer the phones, answer the questions, and just be there to meet and greet students and parents among other things. So I’m now working at Maple Mountain Martial Arts for 2-3 hours, three to four afternoons a week. It has been great for me to get out among people again and have somewhere to go everyday.

Jace after testing for his black belt and

Mallory earning her 2nd degree black belt.

Joe also tested for his 3rd degree that day.

(you don't see brother/sister hugs like that everyday....very rare!)

This isn't exactly what I earned a college degree for, however I am very blessed to have such great working conditions and there are plenty of "perks". My son is now my "boss" I work with my daughter; she is one of the instructors, and I take my youngest son with me. He does his homework there and attends class.

Myeloma medication-dexamethasone is still wrecking havoc with my energy levels. I battle fatigue daily and bone pain whenever it decides to appear. Having a job helps to put cancer on the back burner. Just what I need.

Another view of the studio. We are in the process of remodeling the basement to add additional space for classes.

Who would have thought any of this would be possible when my husband and son put on crisp new uniforms and clean white belts twenty years ago.

We have definitely had ups and downs, but over the past few years our back-yard business, our family, and I have grown in many ways. Our lives have exceeded those white belt expectations and our family continues to kick together and stick together.

Intense Suspense

2011-01-07T23:12:00.000-07:00

So much has happened over the last few weeks. We had a great Christmas. I saved my energy for the important things, and tried to let the little things go without feeling to guilty.

My granddaughter Tabitha

on Christmas Eve.

My best Christmas present came a week early when a large envelope came in the mail from “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.” It was addressed to my son. We knew it would be coming, and gathered all the family and a few friends together as he opened it. It was a mission call. Jace has been sent on an LDS mission to the San Juan, Puerto Rico mission. He will be leaving March 23rd. He will be gone for two years!

My oldest son Tyler holding his daughter.

(He went on a mission to Guam)

and Jace reading his mission call.

There was some intense suspense!

This is a blessing and a sacrifice. To understand more about an LDS mission go here.

Jace, as well as our family, are in for an incredible experience. It will be really hard for me to let him go! It is a leap of faith for me. But I know it is the right thing. He will be sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ with the people of Puerto Rico. He will be learning spanish. We all have a lot of growing to do in the next couple years.

Happy New Year to all, and may good things come your way.

Puerto Rico!

Christmas Reflections

2010-12-24T06:15:00.000-07:00

The sacred and simple story of the Nativity outshines all of the glitter and glitz of the season. I testify that the miracle of the Christ child's birth and life can bring blessings, hope, and peace. May we all feel the impact of his life in ours as we celebrate this holiday season. Merry Christmas!!!

Nice and Normal

2010-12-10T22:24:00.000-07:00

I know that tandem stem cell transplants and chemotherapy have saved my life... and I feel so blessed to live in a time when good medical treatments are available for this disease. I would most likely not be alive today without them. These medical advancements have ridden my body of any visible signs of myeloma, but they have also left much peripheral damage. A weakened body and immune system, some neuropathy, and the various side effects I have had to deal with............But what I really am trying to say is that..............

One of the miracles in this crazy life I have endured through all of this is to see and feel my body (as well as my mind and spirit) begin to heal. Isn’t it amazing and wonderful how the human body functions? How our bodies are generating new growth every minute? How my body can grow stronger everyday?

After over two years of transplants, transfusions, and treatments, I have finally begun to feel normal!!! I am getting some energy! I am going days without pain! I can wake up in the morning and have a normal day!! Cancer does not weigh on my mind every waking minute.

I can clean my house, play with my precious grandaughter, do laundry, run errands, and fix dinner all in the same day!!

I have always been thankful for the big, exciting, and eventful days. Those days to capture in pictures and scrapbooks... Graduations and weddings. Birthdays and the birth day of my Grandchild. I am so grateful for those. They have kept me going. They have given me steps and goals and notes on my calendar to look forward to.

And now my “life tutor”--cancer has taught me to appreciate the normal, ordinary days that build me and shape me and bless me.

Thankful Thursday #4

2010-11-25T06:00:00.028-07:00

"My brothers and sisters, to express gratitude is gracious and honorable, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live with gratitude ever in our hearts is to touch heaven." Pres. Thomas S. Monson

What are you thankful for?

Thankful Thursday#3

2010-11-18T12:06:00.000-07:00

I'm thankful for yellow school buses, wide open spaces, dogs and cats, and chickens and fresh eggs. Cows and horses in my country views. Living in a "smallish" town. The four seasons that change just when you tire of one. Holidays and Sundays afternoons. Family dinners. Busy boys. A soft bed and a good nap. The security of employment and insurance (but not the red tape and co-pays!) Homemade bread and simmering stew. Fresh garden produce and sewing projects. Family stories and the faith of my ancestors. Multiple Myeloma specialists and the expertise of my local oncologist. Kind and friendly nurses. Lab techs with a light touch and little needles. Modern medicine and "magical" technology. My scriptures. A tank full of gas. Clean laundry and my washer and dryer. My "to do list" all checked off at the end of the day. People I care about.

I hope I don't take the little things for granted. I have so much to be grateful for. May we all make a conscience effort to develop an attitude of gratitude.

Thankful Thursday #2

2010-11-11T19:39:00.000-07:00

THANK YOU JOE for...................

Endless driving to dr. appointments, drinks of water, and deepening dependence.

Hugs and holding my hand, and masked messages only we can share.

Blessings and strategic juggling of household chores and children's activities.

Earning a living while easing my burdens. More than most men could handle.

Telling me I'm beautiful with my bare head and raw emotions.

Walgreen runs and a package of oreos under my pillow.

Calming my housewife guilt with a gentle hand; leading me back to lie down.

Phone calls, "just checking on you calls," and "just because I love you," calls.

How do I ever express my gratitude and love for this man that married me over twenty six years ago.

Covenanting with me and God to be by my side as we began a life and family together.

Both have given us more than one could imagine.

Breathtaking mountains to climb and breath "shaking" changes as we race up and

down this roller-coaster of a life buckled in tightly together.

Thankful Thursday

2010-11-04T16:34:00.000-06:00

   As promised from my last post- lets talk puppies!
This is Kirby a shih tzu my family gave me for my birthday. He is a happy, furry, puppy who soaks up any kind of attention.
   He is a great addition to our family. Kirby and Zoey, our airedale terrier, have become bests friends.

And now introducing
   THANKFUL THURSDAY a great blog idea shared by Phil another mm blogger. Every Thursday until Thanksgiving, I will be posting something I am thankful for.
   Today I want to share with you my gratitude for several friends in my life who have been the answer to my prayers over the last two years. I am learning that many times the Lord answers our prayers through other people. If a person is "in tune" they will act upon the promptings they feel.
  There has been several times when I have prayed for something and soon after I received a phone call or a visit from a friend who told me they felt prompted to check on me or see how I was doing. These always seem to happen when I need it most.
   Just yesterday I wasn't feeling very well. Once again I am coming down with a cold. It was after 6pm and I had not even thought about fixing dinner. While I was resting, a friend dropped by with a dish of homemade tamales. She knows my boys love them. Dinner problems solved!
I am so blessed to have good friends in my life who not only bless me with their friendship but also act upon the promptings they receive and are truly an answer to my prayers.

SPEED BUMPS

2010-10-23T08:17:00.000-06:00

Wow how time flies when you are racing down the highway of life, motherhood, and multiple myeloma!

Life seemed to be cruising along quite well as I enjoyed the end of chemo treatment for now, and the beginning of school. To be honest it was really nice to send the kids back to school and have a little more peace and quiet at home to rest and recover from treatments.

Summer turned into fall as our family became consumed with sixth grade, ninth grade, and football, football, football. It has been good to get back into a routine, although I still struggle with the getting even the basics(cleaning, cooking, laundry) done around the house some days. I am told it will take a good six months or more to regain my energy and get the chemo out of my system.

This fall my husband coached my youngest son's little league football team. They had a great time and took things pretty seriously; winning most of their games.

My fifteen yr. old son played on the high school freshman team. He played with heart and struggled with his size; as he is on the smaller side of most of his his team mates.

My 18 yr. old son finally got a job after searching half the summer. He is working for a freeway construction company. He drives to construction sites throughout the county collecting rock samples. He loads the samples in his brand new work truck (yea I'm somewhat jealous!) and takes them back to a lab for testing. For the last ten weeks he has been working the graveyard shift. This has been a major change for my extremely social son who basically eats, sleeps and then works 12-14 hr. a day,

My previous post gave you a glimpse of the highlights of becoming a new grandmother. It has been an amazing experience, and I am very lucky to live within a couple miles of this gorgeous growing baby and her parents.

So that has been a recap of life on my highway over the last few weeks. There have been many good things happening along the way, but I have definitely ran into a few speed bumps as far as my health goes.

I am learning that remission does not mean the end of "cancer concerns," or lingering side effects. My body, mind, and soul have been through so much over the last two years and I have been somewhat naive in thinking that I would be able to bounce back more quickly.

Speed bump number one slowed me down right after all my major tests in August. My blood work all came back with good numbers but a PET scan revealed some over activity in the uterus---huh! My oncologist suggested I had an additional MRI on the pelvic region. He did not seem too concerned, I on the other hand "freaked!"

I celebrated my 46th birthday in the tunnel with some anxiety for another few days, but luckily the results showed nothing, nada, zip! I have got to learn to not let these things get to me so intensely. Who knows what would show up inside any of us if we were tested, scanned, and x-rayed too frequently with high powered, sensitive equipment. A case of indigestion could show up as your long lost twin or a nasty tumor if we rely and dwell on all this technology too much and too often. Does that make sense?

Several weeks later I ran into speed bump number two. Called ONJ. And what may you ask is that? Well I asked the same question as I began a monthly bone hardening infusion way back in December of 2008. A common part of MM treatment involves using a Bisphosphonate called Aredia or a Zometa to treat, fill in, or strengthen the bones which have been damaged by the cancer cells in the bone marrow. ONJ stands for Osteonecrosis of the jaw. I had read about this and questioned the oncologist about this side effect from Aredia. He explained that it was very rare and I should not have to worry about it. Well nearly two years later I'm worried about it!

I went to the Dentist about a month ago because I had a sore on my gum at the very back of my mouth that would not heal. He took x-rays-couldn't see anything and referred me to a peridontist. By my appt., a small piece of bone had broke through the gums and I was diagnosed with ONJ. My elementary level of understanding of this means that the delicate balance of bone being built and then reabsorbed within the body is disturbed when long term use of bisphonsphonates are introduced. The bone growth in my jaw is a result of that. The dangerous part of this is when infection enters the scene. The bones of the jaw can become so infected that they die. This can be very painful and disfiguring. It is recommended that no heavy dental work or extractions be done for quite some time after taking Aredia. The good thing for me is that I have had very little pain. The bad thing is that I have a major cavity on my top back molar. The easy thing to do would be to just pull that baby out, however that is not possible right now so-lucky me- I went in to an endodontist to have a root canal on wednesday.

I hope I am not whinning too much or boring you with all the details, however I am letting you know that now might be a good time for a "commercial break."mmm.............

Okay back to my story. So things were going quite well. I had prepped myself well. Brushed my teeth extra long, flossed twice, gargled mouthwash, and even watched a youtube video of the procedure. I was ready when I sat in the chair and the Dr. seemed very kind and gentle as he explained what he was doing.

The time seemed to be going down fast when all of a sudden I felt like I was drowning. My throat was stinging and with my my mouth propped wide open and stuffed with a rubber dam covering all of the teeth in my mouth, I motioned that I had to sit up RIGHT Now!! The nurse quickly removed everything out of my mouth and I started bleeding out of my nose and coughing up blood. This went on for a good twenty minutes. They kept shooting syringes of saline up the drilled out root canals into my sinus' to get the blood flow to stop. This made me cough more and continue to bleed out of my nose. Pretty graphic Huh? It was disgusting. The Dentist said he had only had this happen once before with a patient and he really did not have a reason why. We looked at the x-rays and the root canals had come close but not entered the sinus. So there was really not a clear explanation. But you should have seen my face. I was swollen up on one side like a big red balloon. They nurse had injected about 2 cups of saline into the right sinus. After several minutes of more coughing and ice packs the Dentist asked if I wanted to finish up the procedure that day. Aaaa..Yes please!! I was not planning on coming back! So ten minutes later, extra strength tylenol, ice packs in hand, $900 down, and I was out the door.

Once again I became the patient battling a rare cancer, a younger woman with an older man's disease, and the person with another rare side effect. The questions of "why me" have long faded away. Now my questions seem to be about understanding my health, my body, and multiple myeloma. It is a huge stretch for my chemically, chemo-treated mind.

Most of the time it is better to concentrate on all the good things, people, and blessings in my life. I may not be driving a shiny red sports car down my highway of life. My dusty, dented up body, or my "uniqueness" or "rareness" sometimes wears on me when I have to slow down over all these speed bumps, but it also provides me with some cynical humor, crazy adventures, and beautiful scenery along the way.

(And p.s. next blog I promise to talk about my new puppy instead of root canals.)

The Miracle of Life

2010-09-08T23:49:00.006-06:00

I touched heaven today.

I touched the tenderness, the purity, and the innocence in the soft skin, chubby cheeks, and wondering eyes of a baby fresh from heaven.

I witnessed the strongest bonds of all that exist.

The love of a family.

The love of a mother, a father, and a child.

A new chain connects generations into eternity. I am a link in that chain. I can connect generations into the past. My own parents and grandparents. I link the future with my son, his wife, and now with the precious gift of a child.

I am so filled with gratitude and humility for this gift that the world received today as another baby entered offering hope and pure love for the future.

And I became a grandmother.

I rejoice at this blessing a kind and loving Heavenly Father has given me. Allowing me to witness, hold, and cherish one of the countless miracles in my life.

P.S. It's a girl! One day old Tabitha

The Chemo party is Closed!!

2010-08-21T19:45:00.006-06:00

Time to celebrate!

Thursday was my last "Chemo Party" for Hopefully a verrrrrrry lonnnnnnng timmmmme!

Like I explained in my last post, this has been

Almost two years of this grueling pace.

This life changing,

life preserving,

completely consuming journey.

I could not have done this without the expertise, and encouragement from the team at my oncologist's office.

Jamie and Kelly, the nurses have been wonderful. Not only are they skilled at what they do, but they have become friends throughout this journey.

We feel very fortunate to be in the care of Dr. Nathan Rich. He is my local oncologist. He works closely with the Multiple Myeloma specialist at Huntsman. He is very "down to earth" and takes his time to answer our questions and just visit. He has been my ally through this rigorous treatment. Really helping make the right decisions for me and weighing out the options. I have been having most of my infusions at his office and then meeting with the "MM bigwigs" in Salt Lake once a month. I really value his expertise, wisdom, and kindness.

I will continue to see him and receive Aredia-a bone hardening infusion every two months.

I am so grateful for the care I have received from these amazing people and the miracles of modern medicine!

p.s. and you asked how did I celebrate? I went home, ate cake and had a three hour nap.

Endings and Beginnings

2010-08-17T09:35:00.006-06:00

A few pictures from the last few weeks

We went to a family reunion in Star Valley, Wyoming. It was wonderful! Seventy people attended for a weekend of horse rides, four-wheeler rides, games, crafts, good food, wonderful family, and a lot of time to relax, visit and enjoy. Having a baby shower for my daughter-in-law. Only three weeks left, but I think she will be earlier. We both feel nine months pregnant! We are both tired and full of anticipation for a new life!

And now for endings........

It’s day 15 cycle 12 of my treatment. This means I have one more shot of velcade-chemo on day 18 and then I am finished with this regimen!!!

That is 12 months of chemo! during this treatment cycle. Twenty-one months since diagnosis. Two autogulous stem cell transplants involving more chemo. For a grand total of twenty-one months of chemo. (More posts to come on this subject.)

Almost two years of this grueling pace.

This life changing,

life preserving,

completely consuming journey.

The beginnings.......

A few weeks ago a doctor asked if she could give my phone number to a woman who was just beginning this journey. I agreed but never did get a phone call from her. I spent some time thinking about what I would tell her. Wow where would I even start. How would I express all of what she would go through. How much could I tell her and what is better left unsaid.

What I knew for sure is that if I could do it she could do it.

Here are just a few of my thoughts.

Take it day by day.

Multiple Myeloma acts differently in every patient.

You will probably get extremely ill.

But it will get better.

Now I deal with extreme fatigue and pain.

Maybe you won’t.

You have to go easy on yourself and let the little things go.

Pray

The dishes will eventually get cleaned.

The floor will eventually get swept.

The cobwebs on the ceiling don’t hurt anybody.

The shower is a great place to cry and sometimes you just have to let it all out.

Try not to isolate yourself.

If you are feeling that way call someone up and ask about how they are doing.

Do something for someone else, thank-you cards, phone calls.

Pray

Nothing takes the place of the support of family and good friends

Many people will be scared of cancer and won’t know what to say or do. Try to understand that and go easy on them. This took me along time to understand.

Seek for spiritual guidance through study and attending your church as much as possible.

I am L.D.S. (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints) and partaking of the Sacrament has become one thing that I try not to miss even if I don’t feel well. The words and meaning of the Sacrament prayer gives me great peace and takes away my pain.

Wow what a life altering journey you are beginning!

We are so blessed to having been diagnosed at this time. As recent as 7-8 years ago there were few options for treatment. Now there are many. With many new drugs in trials and genetic testing starting to be used to specialize treatment to each individual patient.

There is much hope of turning Multiple Myeloma from an incurable cancer to a chronic disease.

This is tough but you can do this! And there will come a day when cancer will not be on your mind every minute of every day. It is definitely still on mine but the frequency will decrease.

Try to look for the happy and simple things in life that bring you joy and cherish every minute of them.

To the woman I have never met who is taking the first steps up this mountain, I wish you the very best. May your transplant and treatment go easy and if not may you have the strength and courage to take another step each day. May you move this mountain by changing your perspective and view of this perilous steep journey as you climb higher; taking the time to get down on your knees and pray for divine help as you overcome the challenges of this climb. You will receive his help.

Please feel free to add your perspectives and comments to my post. So I can track down this new patient and share with her the wisdom of others on this journey and besides (I need to know if anyone is really out there:)

Reducing the symptoms of NPBG-Non-Posting Blogger Guilt

2010-07-19T07:10:00.000-06:00

Here are couple of random pictures of my humanitarian trip to Peru. (I hate posting without a picture)

Kris kissing a llama for good-luck! Working at a village school in Matinga, Peru. the school shared one box of crayons. We painted and cleaned, brought needed school supplies and made many new friends.

My posts have become fewer and farther in between. I am finding that on the "good days" I don't make the time to write. I am too busy running around trying to get as much done as I can, and enjoy feeling good as much as I can. On the "bad days" which unfortunately come too often, it takes far too much energy to put down my thoughts on paper--er computer.

So in a gallant effort to actually post something I have decided to forgo writing down the actual posts that have been rolling around in my mind and just give you a clever title which I may or may not expand on in the future--Hey I make no major commitments while on this "roller coaster."

So here goes..

July 4, 2010 "Long naps,.... Short walks in the woods,........ A weekend with my family in Star Valley, Wyoming------Priceless!"

July 6, 2010 "Living with the Man of my Dreams" celebrating Twenty-six adventure filled years with my amazing husband.

July 15, 2010 "I have an eight-track mind without a rewind" My steroid-chemo induced mind games and the people who play them.

July 18, 2010 "My Three Sons" the adventures of a Myeloma-Mom and a Micro-Managing dad trying to keep it all together from a 12, 15, and 18 year old boy's perspective. Trust me this would be a short post.

Just imagine how great these posts would be. You laughed....You cried.... and you were inspired by my every word. Wow I feel a lot better now. How about you?

And now to erase all non-posting guilt, Here is the low down on what's been happening on my myeloma mountain climbing adventures.

I am in the middle of the 11th cycle Six weeks to go!!! If I can stand it. It is not getting any easier that's for sure. I started out last week feeling pretty good, but developed a bad cough and chest congestion by Wednesday. I spent three hours at Utah Valley Hospital getting checked out by Dr. Riches NP. After a blood test, oxygen level test, and a chest x-ray to rule out pneumonia, She decided that I had the beginnings of bronchitis. I was giving a high power, high dose antibiotic, my old friend Levaquin and sent on my way. She told me it was good I went in when I did because I need to stay healthy enough to receive chemo on Monday. (Is there something wrong with this picture?...I need to stay well so I can take a nasty poison that will make me sick) Oh well whatever it takes to get through this.

I continued to drain of energy but my cough has been getting better. By Saturday I was completely down, could barely get out of bed. I slept most of the day. Thanks to my husband for taking care of me and the kids. And then this "roller coaster" of a life changed directions and Sunday morning I felt much better. I was able to go to church and spent a great day with my family.

Everyday is an adventure one filled with highs and lows. My family and My Heavenly Father keeping me going and I am truly blessed by both.

MY GIFT

2010-06-30T20:02:00.000-06:00

Dear Brother,

It has been four and half years since you left many loved ones on this earth. We miss you. Your tragic passing left many people in shock and grief. Three weeks after your death, I still couldn't pull myself out of despair.... and then ....you somehow.... sent me a gift.

I believe that you had a hand in bringing a little Pomeranian puppy into my life. Our dog Zeus came to us in a such an unusual way. It was beyond coincidences.

He was born the runt of a litter. The owners managed to sell all of the puppies except this one. A friend heard of the situation and offered to take the little dog thinking that he could give it to his grandchildren.

So he brought the feisty fur ball to his three petite, quiet, grand daughters. One day their mother came to my preschool to drop off her child. She showed the puppy to me and let me hold him. She explained that the girls liked the dog but that they were scared of him. He was a lively little thing. Jumping up on them, barking and demanding lots of attention. Her mild-mannered daughters were not enjoying the experience and she had decided the puppy needed a new home. She suggested that my family of boys would love this dog and offered to give it to us for free. After discussing it with the family that evening, we eagerly brought the puppy into our home and into our lives.

We brought him home, changed his name to Zeus to fit his big personality, and introduced him to our first dog, an Airedale Terrier named Zoey. They became fast friends.

This little bundle of energy brought new life and joy into our lives. I still did not connect you-my brother, with this little miracle until I came across some pictures one day. I found a picture of when we were young. You were holding the family dog-a Pomeranian. Then I also realized that you had given your wife and family a dog several years ago-a Pomeranian. I also heard that you had given your friend and his wife a pom. Were you trying to tell me something? I believe you were.

I truly believe you were somehow involved with the events which ultimately led to Zeus coming to our family. You sent this gift to me. To let me know you were there. To comfort me through the pain of your death.

Zeus has been the happy, furry, spoiled baby of the family. Often when I get up in the morning I can find one of the boys laying on the floor by Zeus petting their best friend before preparing for a new day. He loves to "sing" for daddy and get tummy rubs. Zeus is a fierce guard dog if only barking could scare away an intruder. There is something about the unconditional love of a dog that can bring healing and comfort to anyone. Did you know I would face bigger challenges in the future? Did you know that a diagnosis of cancer would shake up every part of my life? Did you know that the gift of a little furry dog would provide comfort to everyone in the family as we faced these challenges?

Yesterday we had to give Zeus back. He unexpectedly passed away. He had not been feeling well off and on for a few weeks. He still seemed happy and healthy so we were not too alarmed. Our family was shocked and devastated when we discovered his lifeless body. I, and my two youngest sons, laid on my bed and cried and talked for several hours. We reminisced about the good times we have had with our little dog and discussed the cycle of life. We talked about Heavenly Father's plan. We talked about how each of us whether it be people or dogs come to earth to gain a body. That when that body dies the spirit still lives on. That there will be a time when we will once again be reunited with those loved ones who have died. Death is a part of life and I'm grateful that my children have had the opportunity to learn these tough lessons with their pets before they experience them with people they love.

So my dear brother, I thank you once again for your gift. He taught us about discipline, responsibility, unconditional love and the plan of salvation. He gave us comfort and joy and the opportunity to love deeply and learn valuable life lessons.

We had to give Zeus back yesterday and our hope is that you may somehow watch over him until we may all be reunited again. Thank you my brother, until we meet again. I miss you. love your little sister, Kristine

In a Nutshell

2010-06-24T00:40:00.000-06:00

I just happened to run across this the other day. Dr. Oz explains warning signs of five cancers. The fifth one is Multiple Myeloma. The club I belong to. Here it is "in a nutshell." Enjoy.

P. S. I can't figure out how to cut just the clip I want (anyone want to tell me how:).. so.. if you start at about 3.4 seconds that's where info on Multiple Myeloma starts.

F.Y.I I'm on cycle 10 day 18.

Which is my 4th round of chemo for this month. Two more months to go.

Two more cycles to go.

Nine more rounds of chemo to go

and then it will be time to start enjoying my remission!!

I'm starting to believe that light I see isn't the oncoming train but the light at the end of the tunnel.

Oh and another F.Y.I

I have not broken one bone during this journey so I am feeling pretty good about that.

... and I really need to go to bed but my friendly steroid is keeping my mind racing. Sometimes I fight it and try to sleep and sometimes I just ride the wave until it crashes - usually by the weekend when my energy level drains to almost nothing.

So Farewell and goodnight for now.

Time for Another Hike

2010-06-06T11:25:00.001-06:00

My four sons, son-in-law, and daughter. Aren't they handsome....and beautiful?!

Our only daughter was married on June 3rd. It was such a wonderful celebration. She was married in the Salt Lake LDS temple. The ceremony was beautiful, simple, and sacred. We haven't felt like we were losing a daughter but that we are gaining a son.

It's been six weeks since my last round of chemo. A serious break after 18 months of treatment. After explaining to my doctor all of the upcoming events happening in May, he agreed to let me take time off of treatment. I was desperately hoping he would say that nine months of maintenance was plenty however that wasn't the case. He did say that we must always weigh out treatment with quality of life issues. Well I must say that "my quality of life" has needed some adjustment so it was wonderful to take a "breather" for six weeks!

It has taken a good month to shake off the fatigue and some of the "chemo brain." Just in the nick of time I have been able to enjoy some wonderful events with my family.

Now it's time to jump back on the chemo roller coaster. I head up to Huntsman on Monday to begin treatment. I will start with labs. They will be checking to make sure all systems are "go." Then the games begin. An IV with some saline, a quick push of Velcade(chemo) and a three hour infusion of Aredia-a bone hardening infusion. I will also start back up on Dexamethasone and a new drug called Revlimid. I am not looking forward to the next three months. It is so hard to start back. This time I know what I am getting into!

...so wish me luck, keep me in your prayers, and I will get back on my hiking boots and climb a little further up this mountain.

I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR CANCER

2010-04-15T13:36:00.000-06:00

I don't have time for cancer.

(Actually my husband reminds me that I don't have active cancer-

it's in remission so I will re-phrase that... )

The treatments I am undergoing are terribly inconvenient right now.

I simply do not have time to be sick.

The lives of my children and the exciting things

happening in my family distract me from

dwelling on the incredibly steep mountain that I have been climbing

The school projects,

wrestling practices,

tournaments, and

School activities.

The family business,...

and plans for the future keep me too busy to dwell too much on the never-ending cycle of chemotherapy and fatigue, steroid bursts of energy followed by draining crashes, and exhausting side effects.

I used to feel sorry for myself that I had to get a rare

cancer usually found in older men.

That I had to deal with all of this while still raising a family.

Now I am realizing that my situation actually

helps me to fight harder,

to strive to be an active part of my husband and children's lives, and to find joy in the simple day to day routines.

No matter how tired I am there are still people who need my attention and I need them.

So here is a peek at my life... as I look forward to some "peak" celebrations in my life!

Jace graduates from High School! Mallory is getting married in June!

and my son Tyler and his wife Dani are expecting their first baby..... and I am going to be a grandmother!!

I don't have time for cancer. I am going through these treatments so I have time for life!

8 down!!... but who's counting?

2010-03-22T16:09:00.000-06:00

It's Spring today. My grass is turning green and little purple crocus' are stretching out of my tired and neglected flower beds. I just finished my eighth month of maintenance treatment. The last dose of Velcade and Dex were four days ago. It takes me so long to recover! I can get up make breakfast, straighten the house, get ready for the day and then I am completely exhausted.

Fatigue is a huge side effect of treatment. It is entirely different than being tired. I feel like I have been running a marathon, swimming the english channel or scaling the rocky cliffs of my "myeloma mountain." I wish I could just take a good long nap and wake up refreshed and ready to go for jog. Well I guess there are trade-offs. Things could be much worse. I have been fortunate to not have to deal too much with some much more unpleasant side effects such as nausea, or neuropathy. So I guess I am just learning to live with it.

Four more months of this treatment-if I can stand it! That's 16 rounds of chemo. Thirty two days of steriod. Probably one more IVIG infusion. And around a hundred and twenty lovenox-blood thinner shots. But who's counting.

p.s. my hair is growing and I actually used a blow dryer on it yesterday.

It's all in the Perspective

2010-02-20T22:01:00.000-07:00

On my way to the hospital for my chemo and infusion parties, I drive past this sign. It always makes me smile.

Are the Dog's bones smoked or the Bones for the dogs smoked???

I guess a lot of times how we view our experiences in life are determined by our perspective at that moment. Going through this roller coaster of treatments over the last year and half I have realized how huge cancer and the weapons used to fight it, affect the body, the mind, the spirit, and the emotions. What you think affects how you feel, and what you feel physically affects how you think. Your perspective has a huge impact on the rest of you.

Sometimes when I read the sign on the road, I just feel like stopping in for a tasty snack for my dogs. At other times I can read the sign and think of holding on to my dogs tight before they are caught by the mean butcher who is turning innocent dogs into tasty treats. Okay it also makes me smile.

What I'm trying to say is all of us have challenges and experiences everyday that require us to react. We can choose to limit our perspective to negative thoughts or we can choose to react with a positive attitude and find a way to learn from what we are experiencing.

I am still learning. I have lots of practice and a long ways to go. When I don't feel good this is tough. Those are the times I can't think about the future, or my messy house, or what needs to be done on "My List." Those are the times when I have to count my blessings and pray. Thanking the Lord for my blessings and asking for an increase in courage and strength. I always feel better. No matter how I feel physically; I always feel better spiritually, mentally and emotionally after taking my burdens to the Lord and realizing the good in my life, and praying for others who are experiencing there own challenges and need the Lord's help. It's amazing how that works. It can change your perspective.

Now I think my dogs need a tasty snack....mmm how about a smokey dog bone.

P.S. Will someone please call and remind of this when I'm having a bad day?

One's first step in wisdom is to question everything - and one's last is to come to terms with everything.

Georg C. Lichtenburg

My Report Card

2010-01-28T15:46:00.000-07:00

Going on a "Dog Walk" with Trent and Spencer. (I walk they run)

Last week I went to Huntsman for tests. Labs, a PET/CT scan and a bone marrow biopsy. I must be getting better at this. It all seemed very routine. I felt little anxiety and even the biopsy was easier. I guess this is a good thing since I will be having these, hopefully at much longer intervals, for the rest of my life. On Tuesday we met with Dr. Tricot to go over all the results.

My numbers are good. I pour over the lab reports trying to understand what each of the results mean. This is a huge and overwhelming task for me in my "Chemo foggy" brain. but I guess it is a good mental exercise. I borrowed some of the analogy's from several other cancer blogs. (I hope they don't mind.)

Here are a few of the lab test results compared to when I was diagnosed. I was sure one “sick puppy” when I was diagnosed. It is amazing looking back that I was as sick and tired as I was and thought it was just from being a busy wife and mother.

When a person has myeloma they have an unusually high number of plasma cells in the bone marrow. These are completely different then the white plasma cells in the blood. Somewhere along the line one of these plasma cells turned to the "dark side" and begin multiplying itself over and over and never dying like a normal cell. In most people there are 1% to 2% plasma cells in the marrow. At diagnosis I had 80% plasma cells!! I even have some lovely pictures taken from the first biopsy magnified 1000X. They were crowding out other good cells which produce immunoglobulins or proteins to help fight infections. Because I had evil cancer cells lurking in my marrow they sent out way too much protein into the blood and that was the first red flag. Now for the good news. I now have 1% plasma cells!

The next myeloma marker is the Beta 2 Microglobulin. This shows how advanced the disease is. You want it to be less than 3. At diagnosis mine was 4.4. It is now 2.8mg/l.

Your total protein is made up of several specific types. The myeloma is classified by one of these. I have IgG. The normal range is between 600 - 1500. At diagnosis my IgG was 9,286 mg/dl!! It was 164 in Oct. but bounced up to 850 this time. I panicked when I saw this but the Dr. explained that this is because I have been getting IVIG infusions every month to boost my immunities through the winter and that this is nothing to worry about. wheww.

Hemoglobin is an iron level is important because mm can cause sever anemia. Normal levels are 12 to 15.5) If it goes below 9 then I have to get a blood infusion. I haven’t had one for months. It was 11.5 this last time.

The PET/CT scan reported lots of different findings which I don’t understand however I do see lots of “normal” findings. Yea! At diagnosis there were hundreds of lytic lesions throughout the skeleton. They now report no focal lesions and no sites of tumor involvement. I continue to receive

Aredia infusions once a month to harden and strengthen the bones. They must be working.

Have I lost you yet? Those are a few of the test results that I quickly wrote down while visiting with the Dr. I will be getting the lab report in the mail in a few days.

So the good news is I am in Complete Remission. There is no signs of active cancer. But we have chosen not to just treat this rare cancer but to aggressively work towards curing it and for that I am now on maintenance treatment of Velcade, Thalidomide, and Dexamethasone for a year. I am half way through. It is grueling. I feel like Bozo the clown punching bag. I am just starting to stand upright and then someone comes along and punches me back down. It’s quite the life. But it’s my life and I have much to live for and so much to be thankful for.

I have an amazing husband and family. I find so much joy just being around the love and energy of a household full of active, involved, good children. I have faith in God that this mountain I am on is part of God’s plan for me. That this mountain under me moves as I continue to climb and overcome the obstacles in my path with help from God and the support of my family and friends. I am blessed!

Taking it One Day at a Time

2010-01-14T01:45:00.000-07:00

Everyday is an adventure. Will this be a good day when I have some energy and can function as a wife and mother? Or will this be a day to go easy on myself and strive to endure until things improve? I am in my 6th cycle of Chemo. Velcade, Dex and Thalidomide. Half way if I can stand it. I have been trying to track a pattern as to what days I can expect to feel good. It seems to be somewhat erratic lately. My Doctor thinks it might be my bodies reaction as I come off the steroid the days following chemo. I am going to try a gradual let down and approach and see if that might prevent the big crashes and pain I have been dealing with. Cross your fingers. The crashes are not fun! My husband has to convince me that I can do this when I start thinking about just quitting the rest of treatment. He reminds me to take it one day at a time. Wow have I got a lot to learn.. but cancer is a very patient teacher and my perspectives of many things have changed and deepened. So I am continuing to trudge along. Looking forward to improved health and appreciating the good things and wonderful people in my life.

O Christmas Tree

2009-12-23T21:28:00.000-07:00

This is our Christmas tree. It is crooked. It has fallen down three times. After the last “timber” incident Spencer exclaimed, “There is always something happening around our house!” Ain't that the truth! A year ago, a few months after I was diagnosed with cancer I was shocked to discover that life went on. My world continued to spin. (Albeit on a slightly crooked axis.) Cancer did not exempt me and my family from the ups and downs of life. The car still broke down. The fridge needed repairs. The kids still had homework and missing assignments, and the finances became a little slimmer just like everyone else. I discovered that, like Spencer said, there continues to be something always happening at our house. I think that’s called life. Our Christmas tree makes me smile. It is not pretty. The decorations are a variety of “kid-friendly” ornaments collected over the years. After the third time the tree toppled over, everything was just quickly tossed back up. I don’t think I would have left the tree in this condition b.c. (before cancer) Now my crooked Christmas tree makes me smile. It reminds me of my life over the past year. Last December I was going through high dose chemo in preparation for stem cell harvest and transplant. I stayed with my parents to be close to the hospital. My family had Christmas without me. It was extremely hard for all of us. Just like our Christmas tree, my life is not perfect. My home is not perfect. My clothes are not expensive and my car is not shiny, or brand new. Just like my tree I occasionally fall down and I need someone to prop me back up... but this December I am here in my home with my Christmas decorations, my Christmas music and with my crooked Christmas tree. I am here to be apart of “something always happening at our house.” I am here to enjoy Christmas parties, and visits with friends and relatives. I am here to soak in the love of my husband and children. I am here to celebrate the birth of our Savior who came to earth to atone for ours sins and to bless us with his spirit. To strengthen us in our challenges and to provide us with opportunities to help prop each other up. Our lives, like my Christmas tree, might never be perfect. I think what matters more are the people who are around the tree. Merry Christmas and a Happy and Healthy New Year

CAT problems

2009-12-04T10:11:00.000-07:00

Several weeks ago we had CAT problems! One evening after going to bed we heard a kitten crying outside the bedroom window. My husband went outside and looked for the kitten. He figured it must have ran off because the mewing had stopped. So we went to sleep til about 11:30pm when it started up again. Luckily my 17yr. old son had just come in and we asked him to see if he could find it. He went downstairs into the bathroom and opened up the window where the kitten was stuck in the window well. As soon as he reached to grab it, The scared kitten jumped out of his hands into the bathroom and down some duct work under the counter that did not have a vent cover on it. " Just great!" now we had a scared kitten running around in the duct work of our basement. My son put some food and water by the hole, shut the door and hoped it would come out in the night. Well it apparently did come out because some of the food was gone, but climbed back in the hole and wandered around-- for two days! We heard it "crying" in another area of the basement-- for two days! We never saw the cat but it did continue to come out for food and water and then quickly went back into the black hole--for two days! Some thing had to be done! The last thing we needed was a dead cat in the heat and duct work. It was time for an "official family meeting" to solve this problem. Several ideas were discussed. We laughed at some of the more outrageous ones. Everyone had an opinion. Finally this is what we came up with. After several attempts it finally worked! A rubbermaid container, a stick, and tuna fish....... And that- my friends- has nothing to do with cancer!!

Laying Low

2009-12-01T10:58:00.000-07:00

My how time flies when your having fun! It is already December! Blogging as well as many other things were put on "the back burner" during the past few weeks. The month of November was pretty tough. I relished the good days but they were few and far between. Chemo treatments, adjusting to some changes in medications, and a stubborn sinus infection which refused to leave kept me down. I am hoping and praying that things will improve. The Doctor put me on monthly IVIG (immunoglobulin) treatments which should increase my immunities and help keep away these pesky infections. I have to keep reminding myself that all of these drugs and treatments are to help me. They are the prickly friends who are searching for the enemy lurking in the bone marrow. May they be mean and nasty to the hard-to-kill cancer cells and kind and gentle to my tired body.

Happy Cancer Day

2009-10-28T14:31:00.000-06:00

One year ago today I was diagnosed with cancer. This morning my husband wished me "Happy Cancer Day." Wow what a year! Who would have thought a year ago that: I could give myself a shot (a blood thinner) every night without even flinching. That I would lose all my hair... twice. That I would finally get down below my "goal weight".....and then gain it all back. That I can lay down during the morning, afternoon, and evening... and not fill guilty. That I can impress family and friends with a list a page long of all the medications I take. That I know more about cancer than anyone should have to. Who would have thought a year ago that I would even know what multiple myeloma is. Wow what a year! We celebrated by meeting with my Doctor at Huntsman. Last week I had an MRI, blood work, and another biopsy. Today we went over the results. Everything looks good and "my numbers" are where they are supposed to be. We celebrated by going to lunch. Maybe tomorrow I'll bake a cake.

I GOT A TICKET TO RIDE!

2009-10-07T13:01:00.000-06:00

Welcome to my rollercoaster.

(that's me and my son on the 2nd row in the first picture and another son and my husband on the first row in the 2nd pic. Yea for Disneyland!)

I am on maintenance therapy for a whole year!!! I am just finishing up the third cycle-nine more to go! This consists of a quick IV push of Velcade on days 1 and 4 and 15 and 18. It's basically chemo two times every other week. I am also on Dexamethasone-a steriod during those weeks and Thalidomide everyday.

Some of you may remember hearing about this drug. It was used in Europe in the 50's and early 60's as an anti nausea drug for pregnant women. It then cost less than $2.00 a pill. It caused terrible birth defects and was taken off the market. About twenty years ago it was discovered that it kills myeloma cells. It now costs over $5100 a month-thank you insurance! I have to take a test and survey every month to assure the drug maker-Celegene that I am not pregnant-fun!

All of these drugs include side effects and a free ticket to ride the roller coaster. The games begin on the Monday of Velcade when I am at the top of the ride. By Thursday I go in for my second dose and I am heading down the track faster and faster. "okay just relax and take a deep breathe," I say to myself as my energy drains and my stomach begins to churn (not too bad they have good drugs for that) I get chubby checks and a red face. I get shaky and achy from the steriod and have a hard time sleeping. My hands and feet go numb and tingly. By the weekend I am dragging and hit the bottom of the track physically, mentally, and emotionally. Do I raise my hands high in the air and scream as I go down or continue the white-knuckle grip through the whole ride? Is this the time to hold on tight or the time to let go? Let go of the fear and remind myself that things will get better. To draw close to God and rely on faith in him. To replace the "death grip" of fear with faith in God and his plan for me. I am slowly learning.

Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Be careful for nothing; but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds through Christ Jesus.”

I Peter 5:6-7 says, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God; that he may exalt you in due time, Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you."

"Jesus didn’t die on the cross so that we could go through life scared. Jesus died to take away our sins and our fears. He died to give us hope, to give us life, to give us something, often the only thing, we can trust with complete assurance."The Secret to Riding Roller Coasters by Randall Willard ----(you can read it on the internet)

I am learning to reach for his hand as I descend down the track. Then I start "clackity clackity clack, slowly heading back up about Tuesday. I can feel myself getting stronger each day and try to be somewhat productive as I clack back up the track. Preparing myself for the next round the following Monday.

WHAT A ROLLERCOASTER!!

I am learning to plan my life around this ride with safety belts that never unlock to let you off! Couldn't I just hop on over to a happy little merry-go-round for a change in this crazy amusement park?

I asked the nurse if my body would adjust and this would get easier. To my dismay she said it will actually get harder because the Velcade will continue to build up in my body as the treatment continues. Yuck!

I do feel stronger on the off weeks as my body continues to recover from the stem cell transplants but I don't think I will be off running any marathons anytime soon. I consider the day a success if I can make dinner and do a load of laundry.

I know several people have wondered why I have to do this since I am in Complete remission. Complete remission means there are no signs of active myeloma. This treatment will hopefully kill off all the "sleeper cells" lurking inside my body. The stem cell transplants and high dose chemo wacked off the dandelions now we go in for the roots.

This plan of attack we have chosen is the most aggressive form of treatment used in the U.S. Most major cancer centers including the Mayo Clinic prefer using several different lower dose chemo drugs until they prove ineffective and then resort to one stem cell transplant.

We chose to go with the most aggressive Total therapy 3 treatment. Where you throw everything possible at the cancer before the cells know what hit them and have a chance to adapt. Some studies show that this promises a longer remission which buys time until a cure is found.

There is a lot of research and clinical studies being done. New myeloma drugs are coming out about every six months. There is much hope that a cure is coming. I have to hope that that is the case.

My husband is by my side on this ride, holding my hand as we race down this track together. He constantly amazes me with his strength and ability to juggle so many things. This is not any easier for him. So here we are riding this rollercoaster together, adjusting to this life, and relying on our family, friends and faith to pull us through and.... learning when to let go.

What a ride! Wish us luck!

Reading Time

2009-09-22T19:28:00.001-06:00

"The Mountain time is good for that as well, to make us think of the happiness in small things, to promise that we will savor each moment..."

Beyond the Dragon Portal by Melissa Glenn Haber

PLenTy of NeW BeGinNinGs

2009-08-25T19:04:00.000-06:00

My kids are back in school. I love this time of year. There are plenty of new beginnings, fall weather, and high school football games.

Last week was an Open House for the elementary school. I took my youngest son to meet his teacher and see his classroom. We marched into his room and I proceeded to introduce myself to his 5th grade teacher. I begin to explain that last year was a pretty tough year for our family and before I knew it I became a little emotional. It was totally unexpected. I had to take a few breaths before I could continue and explain the situation. It didn't come out to clear and I ended up telling her I would email her with the details. How do I explain how much I have worried about my son?

This last school year as I was going through chemotherapy, two stem cell transplants, and living away from home for months at a time, my husband and I were literally in "survival mode."I constantly worried about and prayed for my children. I was the most concerned about Spencer my youngest. He is my "baby." He has a learning disability. Central Auditory Processing Disorder. He can hear just fine but he has trouble processing information. For example when he hears information about a horse he doesn't know whether to file it in his brain under horse or animal, or a form of transportation. He had great teachers last year and he did make progress but it was hard to stay on top of things at home.

I worry about all my kids. A ten year old shouldn't have to worry about their mom. He even asked me one time how long I was going to live. I told him I am young, I have good Doctors, and I am doing everything I can possibly do so that I can be around as long as I can. Probably till he is all grown up and has children of his own. It was hard.

I worry about my fourteen year old son. This summer he went away for a week to summer camp. Something must have happened up in the high Uintah Mountain air because when he came back his voice began cracking all the time. My usual mild mannered boy occasionally turns into a monster unable to control his emotions. This is not the best combination with a mom on chemo, and steriods. I am learning that sometimes it is best to go in the other room and bite my tongue. I love him and we are learning to enjoy the good times.

I worry about my son Jace. He is a senior at Maple Mountain High School. A brand new school. He is heavily involved in Student Council, Seminary Council, and Football. I am just trying to keep track of him at this point. I just hope that he is making good choices. Last year was pretty tough for him. I felt so bad that I was unable to attend any of his wrestling matches. I missed out on a lot.

I worry about my daughter Mallory. No nineteen year old should have to drive their mother to the infusion room of the hospital and then watch as they administer chemo into her IV. She had a pretty tough time last year. She moved away from home to go to college. Luckily it was only twenty minutes away from home. She spent a lot of time back at home taking care of her younger brothers, shopping, taking care of their needs, and helping her dad. She still managed to do well in school.

I am finding that you never stop worrying about your children. My oldest son is married, working and going to school. His life with his wife just started when mine came crashing down. I hope to be able to be more involved with them as my health improves.

I hope that through all of this my children have learned some valuable lessons that will have a positive impact on their lives. That they have learned compassion, responsibility, and to rely more on their family. That even though mom and dad won't always be there to listen to them, or solve their problems, they can always rely on God who listens and answers prayers in the way that is best. That faith can replace the fear. And that true happiness comes from making good choices living a life with integrity, and doing your homework!

So yes this past year has been pretty tough but it's time to move on. Its time for new beginnings, beautiful fall weather, and a few good high school football games.

Summer

2009-08-16T15:06:00.000-06:00

Summer is quickly coming to an end and my children are ready to go back to school. Mom hasn't been too entertaining these days. But I am adjusting to this new phase of treatment and learning to plan my life around the good weeks and bad weeks.

We have been able to do a few fun things together.

We went to Salt Lake City and visited This is the Place Monument and Heritage Park. We stayed at a nice Hotel, The kids swam three times, had dinner at a Thai restaurant-delicious! and went to a lazer show. Then we went to a family reunion the next day. It was nice and relaxing to be together.

Some "rare" birds

In June we went to Star Valley, Wyoming. My favorite place. Stayed at the family cabin. There's beautiful scenery, fresh crisp air and lots of room for kids and dogs to run.

Middle of the Night

2009-08-13T12:39:00.000-06:00

"It's 3am and I can't sleep standin' on the edge of something much too deep." Sarah McClachlan

Actually It's "Dex week" This steriod messes with my nerves, sleep, and patience. But it does crazy things to cancer cells and the proteins they live off of. So my family puts up with me.

In the middle of the night here is what I think.

We are all lined up in heaven watching earthly gifts being handed out as people leave for earth. Up ahead someone says, "Who wants cancer?" I mistakenly hear "who wants answers?" I jump up and down, raise my hand high in the air and say. "I do, I do, Give me a big one!"

P. S. My hair is growing back!

Back in the High life Again?

2009-07-16T16:23:00.000-06:00

Today I am sitting on a beautiful green mountain top feeling a slight breeze while the smell of wild flowers wafts across my face and blows through my long, thick, curly, blonde hair (hey it’s my daydream!) The white puffy clouds dot the blue sky.

Today is a day of rest and reflection. My family and I have been looking forward to this moment for over nine long dark months. It is a day to peer down off this steep mountain peak and realize how far I have climbed. I am tired. I am thirsty. I have blisters and battle wounds but today, “I made it to this mountain peak and the mountain’s under me.”

We met with Dr. Tricot yesterday. I “aced” my tests and scans! All the results indicate that there are no signs of any active myeloma cells. I am in complete remission!

Now I wish I could dance through the field of daisies like Julie Andrews in the Sound of Music and say this is the end of my journey. It is the end of days and weeks living away from the family. It is the end of aggressive, high dose chemo, and two stem cell transplants but it is not time to retire my hiking boots yet.

I will still be undergoing maintenance therapy for the next year.

This involves four chemo injections a month of Velcade, along with a steriod drug, Dexamethesone, and Thalidomide an “anti-cancer” medication. The Doctor explains that this regimen will kill off the “sleeper cells” lurking in my body and give me the possibilities of a much longer remission.

I haven’t felt “normal” for over a year. I told Dr. Tricot that I would love to go off all the medication for a couple weeks to see what I feel like without any side effects. He laughed and explained in his Belgium accent, “You must remember what our objective is, you haven’t reached the finish line yet, but you are doing everything possible to get there and the rest is out of our hands.”

These words brought me comfort and assurance that this dark, difficult journey for our family has been worth it. That I have scaled this steep, sharp, rocky mountain knowing that I am doing everything I can possibly do to reach the top and to extend and improve my life. The rest is in God’s hands.

I am tired. I am thirsty. I have blisters and battle wounds but today, “I made it to this mountain peak and the mountain’s under me.”

Test Day

2009-07-08T20:19:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow is test day. Joe and I will head up to Huntsman to see exactly how much progress has been made through chemo, two stem cell transplants, and specialized drugs.

I will have lab tests run first, and bring in a 24 hr. urine collection (fun :0) Then a bone marrow biopsy and aspirate. If you want to see what this involves, there are some great videos on Youtube. None of my sons were brave enough to watch, but my daughter and I watched them twice.

I will also have a combination PET/CT scan. This procedure takes about three hours, because first they must inject you with a small tracer quanity of radioactive material that is attached to a sugar which goes to the metabolically active parts of your body. You have to sit in a recliner in a quiet room for 45 minutes to give the sugar time to get where it needs to be before the procedure.

One time I brought a book to read, but the nurse told me I couldn't read because then all the particles would go to the brain. interesting.

After a peaceful rest, you are lead to the room with the big tunnel machine. The nurse shows you where to lay down. The blanket covered "bed," is abut 12 inches wide. So you lay down with no place for your arms. Do I lay them across my chest or let them dangle to the floor? Then the nurse steps in with big black velcro straps. She straps your legs together below the knees. Then straps your arms closely to your body. "snug as a bug in a rug!"

That's the easy part. "Let the magic show begin!" Now you must lie perfectly still for 45 minutes to an hour as the bed moves through the tunnel.

What do I do? Do I sleep? What do I think about? The first few times I went through this procedure my objective was to try not to think about anything. Because one thought would lead to another and ultimately end up rather quickly back to cancer. Bringing fears and fighting back the tears.

Now my mind wanders all over during the scan. Last time I could not get a John Denver song out of my head. "Country Roads take me home to the place I belong... The problem was I forgot most of the words, but kept starting over, ugh! very frustrating!!

When the test is over and the straps are removed from "the Magic show," they point the way down the hall to the waiting room. The only good thing, I've decided, about this whole day, is I don't have to worry now (since I've lost my hair) of getting up and walking out the door with "bedhead!"

Well there is no last minute cramming for me. We will get the results of the tests from Dr. Tricot next Wednesday. Wish me Luck. We are expecting the best. I will keep you posted.

Love, Kris

Me and Myeloma facts

2009-06-19T18:53:00.000-06:00

I have been pretty slack about writing-sorry. I have been sooooo busy what with summer gardening, painting my house, and training for my next marathon-not!

Actually I have been enjoying the rainy weather, trying to do what I can around my house and trying harder to ignore the things I can't do, and considering a walk through the grocery store as my "marathon" training.

So now for the long anticipated update. How am I doing?

Well that is a loaded question and the answer is prone to change hourly. I am regaining my strength ever so slowly. I guess I was getting a little too cocky last week thinking how lucky I was that I had not had any infections after this second transplant. Alas that was not to be the case. Last week Joe had a conference in Park City for two days and I was so excited to go with him. Instead of spending some quality time together, I spent most of the time in the bathroom kneeling at the toilet. I couldn't blame it on chemo so I assume I had picked up a stomach infection.

The last few days I have been developing a sinus infection. It's been a doozy and has really knocked me down physically. There is nothing like getting sick to remind me that I need to be more careful with this weakened immune system that I have. That is the nature of this beast multiple myeloma. It is a cancer of the plasma cells within the bone marrow. The cancerous cells crowd out the healthy plasma cells that help fight disease and infections.

Since we are on the subject of multiple myeloma I wanted to give you a few facts about this cancer because I have never really explained much about it and very few people even know what it is.

Like I mentioned multiple myeloma is a cancer of the plasma cells. It represents only 1% of all cancers. It is most commonly found in older men. It is called multiple myeloma because it affects multiple parts of the body. The acronym CRAB helps me remember what they are. The C stands for hyperCalcemia. Calcium from the bone leaches into the blood stream. If enough of it gets into the blood it can damage the kidneys or Renal system. The A stands for Anemia a common problem with mm. The B stands for Bone. As the myeloma cells begin to multiply they start to eat into the bone causing lesions, and repeated fractures. I was very lucky to not have any broken bones which is usually how mm is diagnosed. However I do have numerous lesions or weak spots throughout my body. I have an infusion once a month to harden the bones.

Multiple Myeloma is treatable but is not curable yet. There are several different approaches to treatment. My Doctor takes the "hit 'em hard and hit 'em fast" approach.

Thus the high dose chemo and two stem cell transplants. We were able to knock off most of the myeloma cells through this, but my doctor explains that there are "sleeper cells" lurking which we have to get rid of through maintenance chemo shots and anti-cancer drugs and a steriod throughout the next year.

So the question is How am I doing. Well I made it to the top of this first mountain range but I am not done mountain climbing yet. Every step through this journey has been hard. It has affected every facet of my being. It has made me grieve for the life and body that I had, but truly appreciate the many good things in my life I still have. I look forward to renewed health and a happy future.

My Life Preservers

2009-06-02T16:15:00.000-06:00

After reading my previous blog, I realized that I had failed to mention one of the greatest blessings in all of this. My parents! I don’t know what we would have done without them. Luckily they live just 20 miles from Huntsman; a true blessing while I am required to be close to the Hospital during testing, treatments and recovery. I can not even imagine how we would have managed without them. Having them live conveniently near the hospital has been wonderful, however they have done so much more than that.

My parents have given me life twice. Once when I was born; the only girl in a family of four boys. (ironically just like the family I am raising) And now they give me life again through the many sacrifices they have made to get me through these last several months.

They raised me in a home filled with love. They taught us life skills I am grateful for now. Both teachers, they worked hard to care for a big family and made sure we knew how to work hard. We spent many happy summers in my favorite place-Star Valley, Wyoming, working and playing in the hay fields and woods.

They have been with me every step of the way. From the moment we found out the plan, they have adjusted their lives to help my family and I manage all of this. My dad bought a new car that would be easier and safer to drive into Salt Lake everyday for appointments and treatments. He made sure it had good snow tires and was heated before I got in during December when I had to be at the hospital by 7am every morning for over a week. My dad has taken turns taking me to appointments-He takes the shorter ones :) and gets things done around the house when my mom is with me.

My parents just bought a trailer home in St. George last year and were anxious to get down their and enjoy it. They put all their plans on hold without a second thought. My dad is one of my life preservers!

My mom has spent her life caring for her children. She cooked, canned, sewed and worked full time. Although she was a 4th grade teacher for many years, I think her second career has been that of a nurse. She has spent countless hours in hospitals over the years attending to the needs of our family with broken bones, health problems, and serious life-threatening accidents. Well her experience comes in handy once again as she takes care of me.

She has spent many, many hours in the waiting room and infusion room by my side. Her life has been completely consumed with me and my needs. She probably knows more about my disease than I do as she researches and stays on top of what I should be doing each step of the way. She spent everyday of my ten day hospital stay with me even though I wasn’t good company and manages to whip up healthy meals for me even though I could only take a few bites. My mother has given her life to give me a second life. She is one of my life preservers!

How can I ever express the love and gratitude I feel for my parents. I ask the Lord to bless them everyday for the sacrifices they make on my behalf, and hope that I can be there for them whenever they may need my help.

I Love you both and am so grateful to be your daughter. Thank you for all you have done for me now and throughout my life. You have supported me every step of the way. You are my life preservers in every sense of the word. Love, your daughter, Kristine

Doggy Paddlin'

2009-05-24T19:27:00.000-06:00

I have lots of time to think lately. I try to avoid it as much as possible but sometimes as the hours and days drag by I find myself stuck in a thought or idea with nothing to do but pursue it.

Before I had cancer. I was very good at avoiding such scary and difficult topics. It was too depressing to think of what it would be like if something like that ever happened to me or someone I loved. In fact I doubt I would even read a blog like this one unless it was someone I was very close to. Much easier to avoid such a sad topic. I compare it to an icy cold lake. I would walk near the water’s edge and maybe dip my toes in the cold water but I am not a very good swimmer so I would only swim near the shallow area where I can still touch the bottom. Never think of venturing out to the deep areas too distant from the safe shore. Well seven months ago someone came and threw me out in the middle of the lake. I spluttered and thrashed and doggy paddled trying to come to grips with this new reality and not drown in the overwhelming circumstances I have been thrown into. I am not superwoman and there are times when I come close to drowning in self pity. In fact today I made a list in my journal of all the things I have lost because of cancer. As my list grew the tears begin to flow. In fact, I think that lake is made of the tears I have cried over the last seven months. Sitting there looking at my list a thought came to me like a light bulb turning on. I wasn’t left alone in the deep waters of the lake. The Lord had thrown out some life preservers before I even got there. He had prepared some things in my life before cancer became my reality. I can look back and see things being orchestrated in a way that makes this journey more bearable. I think of the timing. If I had been diagnosed a year earlier, I would have been going through treatments during preparations for my sons marriage. I would have missed my daughters High school graduation. Because of the circumstances this year, my daughter was able to arrange her college schedule so she could help more at home. In September we moved our Martial Arts studio from a studio in our back yard to main street. Eventually making it easier to rearrange my preschool after my diagnosis. My oldest son has been able to help run the studio. I was able to hire a preschool teacher who would eventually count on the income when her husband lost his job several months later. Also for the first year ever, there is an assistant principal at the school where my husband is principal. Thereby lightening his load. And probably the biggest one is the fact that my Dr.- Dr. Tricot a top Myeloma Researcher and Specialist in the country moved from Arkansas to Huntsman a year and a half ago. Those are just a few examples of the little miracles or life preservers that were put in place before I even got thrown out in this lake. I am still out in the deep, and the water is still cold, but I have a life preserver and the Lord is watching out for me. I have to quite thrashing around so much and trust in the Lord. He has a plan for me and He makes preparations on my behalf before I am even aware of it. I am a terrible swimmer and a slow learner. I am sure there will be days ahead where I will still be doggy paddlin’ and “cryin’ a river” in my cold lake, but for today I am going to make another list in my journal of some of the life preservers I have been given and practice the back stroke.

One day at a time

2009-05-20T10:58:00.001-06:00

Well here I am 33 days out from my second transplant. What a journey it has been. Harder than I ever dreamed it would be. I am gaining my health back ever so slowly! Last Wednesday I was able to go home for a few days. It was Joe's birthday so my daughter came and got me and snuck me home. Joe was completely surprised when he walked in the house and saw me there. It was so good to be home. I was able to get a few things done while I lay in bed. It was tempting to stay, however after a couple days we knew I was not yet ready physically, emotionally, or mentally. So I am back up to my parents home. I am trying to be patient with myself. Every morning I want to just jump out of bed and move doing the normal routines in a day. Instead I slowly shuffle around the house and spend most of my time resting as my body continues to regain it's strength. Joe reminds me to just take it one day at a time.

Preschool Plug

2009-05-15T09:38:00.000-06:00

I am starting to think beyond one day at a time and beginning to plan my future. I have put serious thought into my plans for preschool next year. I am told that my immunities as well as my energy level will still remain quite low for another year. So with that information I have made the decision to hire one of my past preschool teachers to run my preschool for me next year. Hopefully after the new year I may be able to help. Teresa has taught for me for four years and I have great confidence in her abilities to take this ball and run with it. So If you or anyone you know is interested please let them know. Here is a little information about my program Kris Kelly-/teacher/owner Certified Teacher-BYU graduate Taught at BYU's Preschool Lab. Has over 16 years experience teaching and developing preschool curriculum. Several of her teaching ideas have been published in a national educational magazine. Loves finding innovative ways to teach young children and seeing them progress as they learn new skills.

Teresa Veater-teacher

Veteran Preschool teacher with over 22 years experience working with preschoolers in the classroom as well as Nebo School District's Transistional Kindergarten program. Her organized yet gentle approach will help your child to gain independence and educational skills for future success.

Country Kids Preschool

is an established preschool in Spanish Fork for the past fourteen years. We offer a full academic program in a unique preschool setting. A classroom as well as a large gym area provide many opportunities to educate the whole child.

We offer;

*Developmentally appropriate activities with a hands on approach.

*Small class sizes, 8-10 children per class.

*Thematic units organized to teach basic skills while learning about the world around us.

*Monthly parent newsletter and calendar.

*Alphabet introduction focuses on using all the senses to explore recognize, and remember the letters and sounds.

*Math and number exploration through manipulatives, patterning, sorting, and calendaring.

*Large and fine motor skill practice through games and activities.

Two and three day sessions available

Contact Teresa 801-423-1888

or Kris 801-798-6146 for more info.

(Thanks for letting me share and advertise this important part of my life)

99.9%

2009-05-08T21:03:00.000-06:00

I met with Dr. Tricot this morning. All my lab work came back with great results. The myeloma cells are 99.9% gone and my white blood cells, hemoglobin, and platelets have recovered significantly. If I had more energy I would be jumping for joy. I am now set to begin maintenance therapy for the next year. Hopefully I can recover quickly enough to begin enjoying it. Strangely enough my biggest issue right now is food! I just have no appetite. I have been on anti nausea medication but it makes me so tired. Now I am trying medicine to increase my appetite. How I ironic! I've spent my whole life trying to lose those last ten pounds and now I have to force myself to eat and gain weight! This afternoon I was pleasantly surprised by a visit from my husband. I didn't think I would get to see him and the kids until Sunday, but he drove up and spent a few hours with me today. He always lifts my spirits and gives the best back rubs. I could not ask for a better husband, father to our children, and best friend. I know this year has been so hard for him. Having to juggle responsibilities as a school principal, running a martial arts studio, being there for our kids and just making sure everything keeps running smoothly. I always knew he was amazing but now I know he is definitely my super hero! All my Love Joe, Love, Kris

I Can See Clearly Now

2009-05-03T21:17:00.000-06:00

So much to express. So Little energy to do so! Yesterday-Saturday May 2nd, I was released from the U of U Hospital. I was there ten days. It is all a blur now-of pain, side effects, Trying to eat when my mouth is too sore to swallow. Trying to get up and move when I am too weak to stand. Trying to stay connected to my family when I can't remember anything. I feel like I have been in a big black hole that I am just now starting to find my way out of. Into sunshine and coherency. I have been told that I had about every side effect possible-Lucky me! One crazy one began right after the stem cell transplant when my hands and feet began to swell and turn red. They felt like when you freeze your hands out in the snow and then come into thaw them out and get that prickly pain feelng. I figure it felt like that for 30 hours without much pain relief. As soon as that began to subside and the skin began to peel off in big sheets than I was blessed with different side effects. This is all so crazy! I have always been very healthy. When I go to the hospital, I bring home a new baby! This time I bring home a new perspective, and new hope for a long remission and opportunities for a new life. I am so grateful for all those who have prayed for me. I know He listens to those prayers even when I am too weak to pray for myself. I am humbled by the kindness, concern, and love of others. Thank you.

Faith Will Get Us Through

2009-04-27T08:14:00.000-06:00

I recently was reading in the scriptures and found a great quote the I believe fits Kris and our family. 2 Corinthians 4:8-11 8 We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; 9 Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; 10 Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body. 11 For we which live are alway delivered unto death for Jesus’ sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh. Kris and I have discussed many times the strength of the spirit at this time in our lives. The Lord has not abandoned us. He is with us stronger than ever. Kris is slowly gaining strength. Her white blood cell counts are slowly on the rise. Today is day 10 since the stem cell transplant. This is a milestone day for her. Your comments and prayers are felt and appreciated. I was able to take our kids to see Kris yesterday. It lifted her spirits greatly. People ask what they can do for us and I simply say: "Pray for Kris." Thanks again for all of your prayers and thoughts. Kris will be back soon to write on her blog. Joe Kelly

Another Tough Day On The Mountain

2009-04-22T18:29:00.000-06:00

This is Joe writing again. Sorry to disappoint the fan club but Kris is still out of commission today. I have spent the entire day with her. She is still in a lot of pain from the chemo. The pain is general and spread over her body. There is only so much that pain meds can do. I want everyone to know that she has world class care here. The BMT unit is very impressive and she has great nurses and doctors. She is in a private room and comfortable as she can be under the circumstances. She is on day + 5 since her stem cell transplant and received her last major dose of chemo today. By day +10 her stem cells will be ingrafted into her bones and will begin to produce red and white blood cells and platelets. Currently, her white cell count is at 0 and she is nutripenic which means she has no resistance to infection. She is on IV antibiotics and IV pain meds. I was able to read her all the comments from the blog and it lifted her spirits. God Bless everyone who is reading this blog and supporting her. I know many of you read and do not comment. That is ok. The prayer that you carry in your heart is helping. I met a man today in the cafeteria who was in a much worse place than we are as a family. We were able to talk and comfort each other. He is two thousand miles from home and his wife is pregnant and very sick in this hospital. We are still counting our blessings. Kris and I actually realize them and savor them more at this time. Family and friends like you are the greatest blessings of all. In the end it is the gospel of Jesus Christ that keeps us going. The spirit is very strong in our family right now and very close to Kris. Thank you all for everything, hug your spouse and your kids and keep praying for Kris. I was able to serve that man in the cafeteria today in a very small way and it made me feel great. When we are down we need to find someone to serve, it will make us feel better. Take care and God Bless. Joe Kelly

We Can Feel Your Prayers

2009-04-21T20:30:00.000-06:00

This is Joe writing on April 21. This round of treatment Kris was given new drugs, more stem cells than before, and stronger doses of chemo drugs that she received last time. The infusion of stem cells make it possible for her to receive doses that are up to 10 times greater than a regular dose of chemo. There have been some tough side effects this time around and Kris is in alot of pain. She was admitted to the Bone Marrow Transplant Unit at the University Hospital today. What she needs more than anything right now is all of your prayers and faith. You are all so wonderful and have been so kind to Kris and our family. When I say we can feel your prayers we do. I know its a hard thing to understand unless you have had so many people at once praying for you, but it is a very powerful experience. We really do feel your faith and prayers. Kris is doing better tonight and has the pain under control. We will keep everyone updated on the blog. She loves the comments you write. This means the world to her and they really are her contact with the outside so please continue to post comments. Thank you so much and God Bless. Joe Kelly

The Climb

2009-04-17T18:45:00.000-06:00

Early Thursday morning I woke up and seriously considered calling everything off. “I think I will just just sit down in the dirt and slide down this mountain on my butt!” I did not want to walk into that hospital and start another round of chemo! This is seriously not very fun anymore!! The first time around I did not know what to expect, now I know too much. But I guess there is no way out of this--but up so it is time to start climbing again.

I had several high dose rounds of chemo on Thursday and then went in this morning for my second stem cell transplant. The procedure is fairly simple. After receiving a short saline IV, I was given a transfusion of my previously stored stem cells, then two more hours of saline. The cells are stored in a DMSO solution as a preservative. The minute it hits your body, you get a metalic, garlicky taste in your mouth and an interesting odor-which my family did not enjoy.

My husband, my daughter, and one of my sons came with me to celebrate this second “Stem Cell Birthday.” It will take several days for the cells to begin working, and my body is beginning to slow down. This afternoon my face, hands, and feet began to swell. I look like a pink lobster.

I have probably had cancer for several years. I have know about it for over five months. I am still in shock about it everyday. This mountain is very steep!! and some days this climb is on my knees, but I still have lots of life to live and enjoy, lots of family and friends to love, and many lessons and blessings to receive from my Savior.

The Big Week

2009-04-14T18:31:00.000-06:00

Well this is the big week. Yesterday-Monday I started the first regimen of Chemotherapy. I was at Huntsman from 8am to 3:00pm. It began with blood tests then we waited for the pharmacy to mix up my personal chemo-cocktail. The first drug was a high dose of Carmustine given through an IV, a quick run of Velcade. Then finally a two hour infusion of Gemcitabine, a new drug which my insurance doesn't cover! This medical adventure is not cheap, but we feel very blessed to have good insurance which does cover most of the costs. I guess it's one more year of driving our old red van!

I have had little reactions so far-just enjoying it for as long as I can. I know the side effects will eventually come. I go back in for another round of chemo on Thursday replacing the Carmustine with Melphalan the happy high dose drug which causes mouth sores. I had it during the first round with few side effects of the mouth because they have you pack your mouth with ice for over an hour before and during the transfusion. I am really looking forward to that!

Friday is the stem cell transplant. A transfusion of 8.27 million of my own stem cells which had been previously harvested and stored.

Well here I go-so far so good. Wish me luck. Thank you for all the good thoughts, the many prayers and the kind deeds for me and my family. I love you all!!

Happy Easter

2009-04-14T15:57:00.000-06:00

Sorry I am a few days late. I was busy enjoying a great weekend and feeling somewhat normal. My treatment schedule was put off from Monday April 6th to Monday the 13th due to a bad cold. It took the whole week to feel better. Saturday I got the family rounded up to clean the house, helped my daughter sew a dress, and helped prepare food for easter dinner. I made rolls, a fruit salad and Great Grandma's famous Easter Chocolate Roll for desert. My husband took over the ham and potatoes. It felt so good to feel so good! Sunday I went to church and listened to my son give a talk in Sacrament meeting. Then my parents came down for dinner and drove me back to their house to begin treatment on Monday morning. Here we go again!

Good News, Bad News

2009-04-06T20:32:00.000-06:00

I have Good news and Bad news. The Good News first-We met with Dr. Tricot on Friday and found from all the test results that the chemotherapy and my body have been doing what they are supposed to. There is no sign of cancer in the bone marrow and the overall cancer has decreased by 90%!!! After telling the Dr. that I was so frustrated with how slow my recovery from the first tranplant had been, he replied this meant that my body had been working extra hard to kill the cancer (and I thought I had not done a thing for last two months!) I always feel better and more hopeful after meeting with Dr. Tricot. The Bad News is not that bad after such great news. The plan was to begin the next round of treatments on Monday the 6th, however I caught a cold and possible sinus infection over the weekend so everything is postponed til Friday. Plan B is to get over this cold and get healthy enough by Friday to begin chemo then. I am leaving my bags packed and thinking healthy thoughts til then.

Gearing Up for Round Two

2009-04-02T19:58:00.000-06:00

Monday and Tuesday were test days. I hope I passed! First was the biopsy-not fun! They take bone morrow fluid, and bone from the hip bone by the lower back. You are given the option of having pain killer or just a local. I always opt for the drugs but it still hurts! I also had an EKG, heart scan, and PET/CT scan. It is hard to lay still on your back when they just drilled a hole in you. I also had a Pulmonary function test. I am always a slow learner on this one. You have to do certain breathing exercises correctly into a tube. It took me seven tries to get it right! I go to see Dr. Tricot tomorrow. I think we are getting smarter at this. The first time we didn't know what to ask now I have a list of questions to ask him. If everything from the tests I had this week look good I will probably begin the next treatment on Monday the 6th. This is round two. The first round knocked the cancer down. We are counting on this next round to knock it into a long, long remission. This has been quite the journey-one that I would not wish on anyone. However I do wish everyone to have the opportunity to feel the love and support that I have felt. I have received so much love and encouragement from so many friends, family, and aquaintances. I am so blessed to have had such good friends throughout my life. It is very humbling to know that so many are praying for me and my family. May you each have the opportunity at some time to feel the overwhelming love and support of others in your life. Thank you and may the Lord Bless you, Love Kris

Speaking to Me

2009-03-23T21:18:00.000-06:00

My reprieve from chemotherapy, IV's, transfusions, lab work, etc. for the past two months is quickly coming to an end far too quickly. Although I have not had to deal with the daily physical treatments involved (but a few strange side effects); I have had to deal with the equally challenging mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of this journey. Am I learning the lessons I am supposed to learn? Am I strong enough and prepared physically and mentally for this second round of chemo and a stem cell transplant? Is it working? Is my family ready to do this all again? The questions are endless and my emotions are riding a rollercoaster. My children can tell I am getting stronger because I am on top of checking on the chores and homework. I just feel such an urgency to prepare them for the next two months when I am not avaliable to keep things running. I even sorted the dreaded sock basket! Saturday evening I was able to attend the Adult sessions of our Stake Conference. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland spoke. It was so good! I felt like he was speaking directly to me. He titled his talk, "Hard Times" A few of the highlights were; *We are part of the plan that begin before the earth was formed. *God Lives and Loves each one of us. We are His children. *He knows the beginning from the end. *When hard times come don't bale out in the 2nd act. *Don't Panic. Broken things can be fixed. *Broken clouds bring rain and rain brings flowers. *God loves broken things. He can fix them. He loves broken hearts. He can fix them. I knew and believed in my heart before that these things were true, but it was so wonderful to hear them spoken so eloquently from an Apostle of the Lord. I am ever-so-slowly learning to replace the fear with faith and pray daily to do so. Elder Holland's closing remarks were, "We all must learn to replace fear with faith in our Heavenly Father and His plan for us." Once again he was speaking to me!

Nappy Days

2009-03-16T21:33:00.000-06:00

Just an update. I am continuing to get stronger and regaining my health. I ran a few errands with my daughter Saturday morning before the crowds started shopping then came home and took a nap. Sunday I went to an hour of church. Went late and left early- then came home and took a nap. It is so nice to get out of "my bubble" once in a while. I have two more weeks at home then head up to Huntsman for tests on the 30th and the games begin again!

Fourteen, Yikes!

2009-03-07T18:18:00.001-07:00

My son Trent turned fourteen yesterday. Wow where did the time go! It seemed just yesterday that this beautiful, small, brown -eyed boy joined our family. He has always been an easygoing, content, happy kid. Great things come in small packages and Trent fits this description. He is a serious thinker, a great wrestler. (He took 4th place in Jr. State Wrestling Championships.) a Black Belt in Martial Arts. A good student (when he gets all his work turned in!) and two merit badges away from being an eagle scout. Okay so I had to brag. Trent has a wonderful imagination. He has edited and produced several movies for school. He is trying his hand at claymation right now and has made a whole little world of clay figures. He never ceases to amaze me with his patience for detail and his ingenuity. He is having a party in our studio right now. This is a building we have behind our home. It has been a karate studio and is now used as a preschool. It comes in handy for the kids to have friends over. One of the hardest things about being sick right now is not being able to be involved in some of the details of my kids lives. I'm usually the one who would have shopped for the birthday presents, made the cake, planned the party etc. This year, my husband and daughter have taken over-and done a great job, but it still hurts. Hopefully in time I will regain my energy and health and be able to enjoy and be involved in all the wonderful little details of motherhood. Happy Birthday Trent. I Love You!

Six weeks down

2009-03-04T09:57:00.000-07:00

It has been six weeks since my first stem cell transplant and I am finally starting to feel a little energy and strength, Yeah! Just in time to enjoy some sunshine and the promise of Spring. I heard some birds chirping outside my window this morning and went on a walk the other day (before the wind started blowing around here.) On Saturday, Joe and I actually went on a date to Wallgreens to pick up prescriptions the first time I have been out of the house in weeks. I am still extemely germaphobic-Lysol and hand santizer continue to be my best friends. My goal now is to continue to regain my strength and prepare myself mentally and physically for the next transplant the first part of April. This has been quite the journey for our family. One that has brought many challenges but also many opportunities, experiences, and blessings. We have great hope for the future!

I am blessed

2009-02-23T21:21:00.000-07:00

It was a long weekend. I have had a slight cold, some weird eye infection, and various other strange symptoms, but never did get a fever -thank goodness. However it did knock my energy level and my attitude back down. By Sunday morning I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. That afternoon my family came home from church and we ate a great dinner prepared by my great husband. After dinner we gathered around the livingroom and my husband and oldest son administered the sacrament and my 13 yr old son passed it to me. The sacrament has never meant so much to me as it did yesterday. As I listened to the words and the promises we make and those we recieve- to have His spirit with us, I felt very blessed! After the sacrament, my son, who holds the Melchezidek priesthood, the same priesthood held by Christ and then restored to Joseph Smith by Peter, James, and John, gave me a blessing. He spoke beautiful words of comfort, peace, and direction-words that came from a loving Heavenly Father. I felt very blessed! I am feeling much better today. Ready to start climbing that mountain again. I am not climbing alone. I have a wonderful family, many amazing friends and neighbors, prayer, and the power of the priesthood in my home. I am blessed!

I am Fortunate

2009-02-18T21:21:00.000-07:00

My son brought a fortune cookie home for me today. My fortune said: "You will overcome difficult times."

Choosing the Better Part

2009-02-15T10:05:00.001-07:00

I've always been a doer. You know the one who is in the background getting things done. Folding up the chairs after a meeting, Sewing 26 pioneer bonnets for the Youth pioneer trek, Clearing the dinner dishes as soon as a meal is finished. I tend to get caught up in the details of life. I'm a list maker. No fun shall be had until the house is clean. My how things have changed! As I lay in bed or shuffle around the house, I am trying to learn to ignore the little things. The dishes in the sink will eventually get done. The floor will eventually get swept. It's hard! My kids and husband have really pitched in. When we had our fifth child a friend told us we needed to lower our standards (on clutter) and have a sense of humor. Well that advice seems to fit perfectly right now. I guess it won't kill anyone that my 13 yr old son had ice cream for breakfast the other day and my ten year old went to church without any socks on. What matters is that I am here and can hug them as they go out the door to school, and talk to them when they get home. I am learning to put things in prospective. I have always been like the woman in the New Testament. Martha and I are so much alike. Like me she worried about the little things. In Luke 10:42, Jesus speaks of one thing being needful: “And Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.” Have I chosen what is good, lasting, and eternal? Have I separated the trivial from the important? I am learning, as I go, to decide how I use my limited energy and what I worry about. It is a long process. We can learn from Mary and Martha to prioritize our lives-to put the things that are most important first in our lives. May we each gain an eternal perspective in our everyday lives and choose the better part. Love, Kris

2009-02-14T22:11:00.000-07:00

Play the Song "Keep Holding On" while you read this.

A couple of weeks ago as I moved back up to Centerville to began treatments, My husband gave me a box. On the outside was a note saying I was to wait to open it until I was really missing him. It only took a couple days; I couldn't wait anymore. Inside I found a small CD player with ear phones and a CD. A note, and the words to this song.We have been married for over twenty four years and my husband is always surprising me with candy, cards, and gifts. This is probably the most touching gift he has ever given me. He truly is my Knight in Shining Armour, My eternal companion, and my best friend.We are climbing this mountain together, just as we have lived, loved and raised our family. I could not do this without him! I know you will always be there to "fight and defend" for me and our family. All My Love, Kris

Two steps forward, One step back

2009-02-10T17:46:00.000-07:00

It's been two steps forward and one step back the last several days. On Saturday I felt extremely achy, fatigued and developed a fever. We ended up going to the emergency room that evening where I was given some IV antibiotics then sent home. The next morning we headed up to Huntsman, They ran tests and could not find any signs of infection. We decided I needed to stay at my parents for a few days while I grew stronger. I went in today for a Dr. visit feeling much better and was given the clearance once again to go back home. Things could have been much worse and I feel blessed that whatever caused my fever left quickly. So tomorrow I will head back home and attempt once again to regain my health and strength. To take some time to rest and regroup before I start climbing the next mountain in this journey. Thanks Jill for the great quote! " If there is anything good to be said about cancer, anything at all, it is this: the battle to overcome the mental and physical harm being done is the ultimate wake-up call, the ultimate focusing lens, and the final impetus to prioritize life." Johnom

I'm Home!

2009-02-04T21:23:00.000-07:00

After meeting with my doctor on Monday and finishing up some tests on Tuesday, I was given "clearance" to go home. It feels so good to be here with my family even though I am not up to doing much yet. My orders from my Doctor are to stay away from sick people and crowds, eat only cooked foods, exercise, and get myself as healthy as possible over the next two months so I can do it all again. In April I will have a second stem cell transplant. My posts might not come as often as I concentrate on getting myself healthy, regaining my strength, and enjoying my family and everyday life. Once again Thank you for all of your support.

Engraftment

2009-02-01T21:34:00.000-07:00

I went in to Huntsman yesterday, after lab results came back, I was informed that my stem cells have engrafted. They are now working within the bone morrow, growing, and doing what they are supposed to. My body is slowly regaining strength. There are a few lingering side effects, but I feel extremely blessed to have gotten through this relatively easy compared to most of the other patients. I never did get a fever, or have to be admitted to the hospital I can feel myself starting to come out of the fog I have been in and I am able to think beyond the next hour or day. I meet with Dr. Tricot on Monday. He will access my lab results and then most likely give me permission to return to my home for two months. I am excited and relieved to have made it this far. I am also quite apprehensive. I thought when I got to the top of this mountain, I would be ecstatic and jumping for joy. I am finding that just like anything in life-When You reach a goal, life doesn't stop right there. (I will be happy when I graduate from college, get this new job, make a certain amount of money, etc.)Happiness does not come at the end of the journey, but along the way. Everyone of us are climbing mountains, dealing with challenges, facing disapointments, some through our own choices, others as a result of another's choice. How we deal with them as we go through them is just as important as overcoming them. I have learned so much as I have attempted to "Move this Mountain" but what I find now as I reach the top and look out over the horizon is that this is not one mountain standing alone. There is a whole mountain range ahead of me. This startled and shocked me as I first realized this. I have been so focused on getting through each day-thinking if I could just get to the top, I will be okay. This thought process is probably the only way I could have got through this, but now it is time to look ahead and realize that my challenge is no different than those facing all of us. The Lord did not just give us one trial in life and then a nice little valley to settle in for the rest of our life. He continues to give us opportunities to stretch and grow and then when we ask He helps us Move our Mountains one at a time. God has promised us that He will not desert us. The Prophet Isaiah speaks, "Fear thou not; for I am with thee; be not dismayed; for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the righteousness" (Isaiah 41:10) "For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying, unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee." (Isaiah 41:13) Each of us have unique trials and challenges. Through these the Lord gives us opportunities to stretch and grow. I just happen to have cancer which gives me time to examine my beliefs and study, learn and grow. May each of us turn to the Lord as he blesses us through our adversities.

Happy Birthday Jace

2009-01-30T21:26:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday Jace! Today my son turned seventeen! He has been a joy to have in our family. He has always been my superhero. When He was two and three he used to run around the house with nothing on but his underwear and a batman cape saying, "watch me mom, watch me." When he was fifteen he made a batman design out of duct tape and stuck on his bare chest. He layed out on the trampoline to get tan lines in the shape of batman. Jace is always keeping us entertained with his latest creation. Whether it be a new song he made up on the drums or the piano. A new design sprayed painted on a t-shirt or a new hair style. I tell him he is going to be the next Dick Clark (he says who's that!) He likes to hold dance parties in our studio in the back yard. He decorates the studio with lights and a disco ball and has his friends DJ. For Christmas he held a "Wear your Ugly Christmas Sweater Dance" He has a dance for his birthday tomorrow night. I wish I were there! Happy Birthday Jace, I love You!

Counting the Days

2009-01-28T21:39:00.000-07:00

I am just finishing day eight. Yesterday-day seven was a difficult one. I spent most of the day at the hospital. I had a lot of stomach pain. After a CT scan and blood work they found I had an infection. So I am now on powerful IV antibiotics which I can administer to myself every 6 hours. My platelet count was also really low. A normal person has 100,00. Mine was at 10,000. So I was given a platelet infusion and saline for dehydration. Needless to say I was extremely weak, and could not even walk. I made it through the day and woke up this morning feeling a little better. Hopefully that was the low point. When I went for an appointment this morning, I walked into the waiting room with my mom and there was Joe! He came up to spend the day with me. What a great surprise. I was at the hospital again for six hours getting two blood transfusions and saline IV. It was wonderful to have Joe there with me, holding my hand as I keep on climbing this mountain.

Battle Zone

2009-01-26T13:37:00.001-07:00

I am in a battle right now. Every inch, every cell of my body is at war. On the outside my bones and muscles are extremely weak. On the inside every fiber of my body is tight and fighting. The enemy of my enemies-chemo is killing the cancer and the foods and proteins it feeds on. There are casualties as I deal with side effects. Which I have been able to control so far. I am at day six a critical point where the stem cells should start engrafting and bringing new life to this tired body. I try to stay focused and positive. Taking it one hour at time. My mantra is "I am Young, I am strong, I am healthy."

Sunday Blessings

2009-01-25T13:32:00.000-07:00

On Friday afternoon, I was able to come and spend the weekend with Kris and give her parents some time off. We are go grateful to them and so blessed to have them take care of her at this critial time in her life. Kris is very tired and weak today from the treatments and stem cell transplant. She has asked me to write on her blog and update it for her. A normal persons white cell count is 14 or higher. Yesterday, Kris' was at .14 which means she basically has no immune system. This will continue for the next several days. By this comming Thusday or Friday her white cell count will begin to increase as the stem cells go into her bones and begin to produce white blood cells. This is a very critical and dangerous time for her. We need all off our friends and family to pray extra for Kris this week. Today, as we went to the Huntsman center we passed several homeless people. We discussed how each of us has unique challenges and trials in life. We do not have to look very far to realize our blessings. We have each other and our childern who we love and cherish very much. They are a great light right now in our lives. We also great family members who have supported us in so many ways. The support from our friends has also been overwhelming and awesome. Thanks to everyone who has touched our family by bringing a meal or providing a ride or an act of kindness to our family. Heavenly Father can answer prayers through His agents here on earth. So many of our friends and family have been his messengers and agents for our family. Thank you. Now Kris was well enough to correct me and help edit this entry so she still has some fight in her. This sabbath day we want everyone to know that we have a firm testimony of the gospel and of our Heavenly Fathers plan. We are blessed in so many ways. Love, Joe and Kris

Day Three

2009-01-23T22:49:00.000-07:00

Just finished up day three after my transplant. I am now staying in a Hotel 5 miles from the hospital. So far so good, I am just really weak. My immunities are almost down to zero so infections are big concern right now. Joe came up to spend the weekend and take care of me. I have been looking forward to him coming all week!

Thursday afternoon my daughter Mallory came up and spent the night with my mom and I at the hotel. It was refreshing to hear all about her life and times in college. We got in our PJs and watched a movie then slept in in the morning. She helped us pack up and move back to Centerville. She is an amazing person and a great strength to me at this time

Happy REBIRTH DAY!!

2009-01-21T22:03:00.000-07:00

There they are 7 million of my stem cells.

Checking twice to make sure these stem cells belong to me.

Tuesday was a day of celebration. Our country was getting a new President. Many said it was a rebirth of our nation. And I was getting new stem cells to rebuild my body. As we watched the inauguration news on TV, I was hooked up to an IV. Several bags of Saline and my own stem cells were transfused back into my body. The process took several hours. After the stem cells are infused, the bloodstream carries them to the blood and marrow. The body's own chemical signals direct the stem cells to say there, where they start to produce new stem cells and blood cells. About a week after the transplant engraftment occurs. This is when the bone marrow makes new blood cells. Pretty amazing stuff. It is great to live in a time of such modern medicine and technology. I am told this next week will be one of the roughest as my body deals with the side effects of the chemo and begins to engraft the stem cells. I am already feeling pretty wiped out. But this was a day for celebration. As our new administration begins to rebuild our nation my body will be rebuilding too.

Celebrating the big Day.

Angels Among Us

2009-01-18T09:27:00.000-07:00

It's Sunday and since I haven't gone to church for weeks now. It's time for my own devotional. It is hard at times to know what exactly to write on this blog or how deep and personal to get. This morning as I was praying about this, I was inspired to open up the Book of Mormon and read the first things my eyes turned to. I found the scripture 3 Nephi 7:18 It is talking about the unrest in the land, The Chief Judge is overthrown and Nephi begins to preach repentance to the people. "And it came to pass that they were angry with him, even because he had greater power, than they, for it were not possible that they could not disbelieve his words (now that's power!) for so great was his faith on the Lord Jesus Christ that angels did minister unto him daily. (Wouldn't that be wonderful) As I read this scripture I realized that I have been administered to by angels. When I was able to go back to my home a couple of weeks ago, Joe quickly made preparations for my return. My neighbors cleaned the carpets-Thanks Giles! and my friends cleaned my house-Thanks Melissa and Lettie! Joe washed all the bedding and put an old quilt I rarely use anymore on the bed. A few days later I woke up feeling really ill. Joe gave me a blessing as I sat in bed. In the blessing I was told that there were many people here to help me. Some from this side of the veil and some who had already left this earth. He had the distinct impression that my Grandmother who died 20 years ago was there with me. It was a beautiful blessing and I strongly felt the love of my Heavenly Father. After the blessing I opened my eyes and looked down on my bed I was covered with the quilt that my Grandmother had made for me for our wedding. It is old and worn and rarely used but I felt my grandmother's love wrapped around me and her spirit with me the rest of the day. My dear sweet Grandmother Rosella Mallory Crook is one of my angels watching over me. I truly believe each one of us have angels in our lives. Maybe we don't always notice them, but they are there. In October General Conference Jeffery R. Holland gave a talk Called "The Ministering of Angels." He speaks of times throughout the beginning with Adam and Eve when God has sent angels to minister to people. "usually such beings are not seen. Sometimes they are. But seen or unseen they are always near." Elder Holland also said, "I have spoken here of heavenly help, of angels dispatched to bless us in time of need. But when we speak of those who are instruments in the hand of God, we are reminded that not all angels are from the other side of the veil. Some of them we walk with and talk with--here, now, everyday. Some of them reside in our own neighborhoods. Some of them gave birth to us, and in my case, one of them consented to marry me. Indeed heaven never seems closer than when we see the love of God manifested in the kindness and devotion of people so good and so pure that angelic is the only word that comes to mind." I am so blessed to have angels watching over me. Some from beyond the veil and many right here. Providing meals for my family, cleaning my house, carpooling my kids, sharing the twelve days of Christmas, emailing me with encouragement, calling me, sending me cards, gifts, and picking up the slack at home. Thank you! My Angels. Love Kris

Ice, Ice, Baby

2009-01-16T18:10:00.000-07:00

Well here I go again. Today was the first day of Chemo for this round. I went into the Hospital at 9:30am and finished three and half hours later. First they did labs-they always do labs! which means blood tests. Boy do I have a lot of blood! usually they take from 5-6 to 14-15 vials at a time! After that I was given an IV of Saline for an hour. After the first half hour the nurse brought me a big bucket of ice to keep packing in my mouth and then swallowing to keep the chemo from burning the linings of my mouth and throat. I had to do this for an hour and a half, also during the chemo, and then again for another round of saline. (I just kept thinking of that stupid rap song, Ice, Ice, Baby- the only words I can recognize from it.) Needless to say a fun time was had by all. So far this evening I have not had any side effects but I am sure they will come over the next two weeks. I will continue with high doses of heavy chemo both IV and oral over the next three days. On Tuesday I will receive my first stem cell transplant. Horray! This will also be given through an IV. On Monday my parents and I will be moving into a motel in Salt Lake to be closer to the Hospital. My body and immunities will continue to weaken next week and there is a great concern for getting infections. The Dr. has told us that 80% of the patients do end up in the hospital at this time. So we are keeping our fingers crossed and our prayers frequent.

"Shaking out my Shoes"

2009-01-12T20:13:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when you climb mountains you have to take time out to sit down in the dirt and shake the rocks, pebbles, and sand out of your shoes. Sometimes while I am climbing this mountain I have to "shake out my shoes," with a box of kleenex by my side. This is a pretty steep mountain and there are times when I don't feel like taking another step. Sometimes this upward climb becomes more of a mental than a physical challenge. During those times my cousin Jill, who is a cancer survivor, gave me some great advice-"The twelve and a half minute rule." On bad days I can give myself twelve and a half minutes to cry and fall apart. When the times up, It's time to get back to living. To being a wife, a mother, a daughter, and a fighter. This rule comes in handy. Sometimes I can store up my minutes for several days, or cut my allotted time in half. Sometimes I can't take another step until I get that tiny irritating pebble out of my shoe. I know I am not climbing this mountain alone. I have many friends, and family cheering me on. I have my husband and my parents who not only cheer but occasionally help me "shake out my shoes" and offer a kleenex and a cold glass of water. And I have prayer and priesthood blessings which give me comfort and strength to keep climbing. Today I had two biopsies, when I got home I had to "shake out my shoes" and sit in the dirt for a while. Tomorrow it will be time to put back on my shoes and head up the mountain one step at a time.

The calm before the next storm.

2009-01-08T18:17:00.000-07:00

I have been feeling pretty good the last few days. I think I finally have all the chemo out of my body. And it doesn't hurt that I am on steriods for four days twice a month. No they don't make me turn green or get huge muscles! but they do give me some energy. So I am at a fast shuffle now. I have more tests next week, then I see my Dr. Thursday and start the next round of Chemo on Friday. Time to start psyching myself up!

A Little Bit About A Big part Of My Life

2009-01-07T01:21:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my preschool started back up after the holidays -without me. Actually I haven't taught since right after I was diagnosed at the end of October. I really miss it! And thought I would share a little about this big part of my life. I was advised by my Doctor that being around children and the germs that come with them would not be good for me and the chance of getting an infection would definitely set back my treatment. So I had some quick decisions to make and have found the Lord's hand helping me along the way. The next day after we found out I had Cancer was one of the hardest days of my life. We had planned and practiced with the preschoolers for a Halloween program for their parents. Somehow after much prayer and the help of my dear daughter-in-law and fellow teacher, Dani, we made it through the program. We did fine and the children did great. It is always fun to see them in their costumes and watch them "shine" for their parents. Over the weekend we consolidated the classrooms into one, and I was able to hire my Daughter Mallory and Dani's older sister Laci to take my place teaching. I am so proud of all of them. They did a great job jumping right in and children loved them. I continued to write the lesson plans the rest of fall and tried to be involved on the sidelines as much as possible. There is no way I could have continued to teach. My energy level was not up to three and four year olds! Because of changing college schedules for Laci, and Mallory they were no longer able to teach come January. I began praying to find someone who could help Dani so that we could continue to hold preschool. One day I received a card in the mail from a woman in my ward whom I barely knew. I always thought she seemed really on the ball, and a fun person to be around. She wrote a sweet note offering to help any time I needed a substitute for preschool. She had previously taught Kindergarten and had ran a preschool from her home. After talking to Nicole, I knew she was definitely an anwer to my prayers. She gladly accepted my offer to take over the preschool and I couldn't ask for a better fit to my program and a mentor for Dani as she hopes to be a Kindergarten teacher one day. I was a little sad to see preschool start back up without me. This has been my "baby" for the last fifteen years (not including the years I took off to have Trent and Spencer) I have taught several hundred children. I can honestly say I have loved every single one of them in their own way. Preschool is always a happy place where we can get excited about the simplest things. It has been a joy to watch the children grow, learn and discover new things, and see them progress throughout the year. The last few years I have started to get antsy every spring-thinking I should go get a fulltime job teaching in a public school, however after I sit down and look at all the advantages I have teaching preschool I always decide I have it too good to leave. I have only taught two and half days a week. I get to use my creative energies in creating fun lesson plans and activities that teach. I get to play on the computer looking for new ideas, I get to work with little people who love me and laugh when I call them "my little chickadees" and most importantly I get to be home when my children are home. So it's time to hand over my "baby" completely to someone else. I know they will be in good hands, and I know the Lord has a hand in orchestrating all of this. Joe and I have discussed many times as we look back over the past six months. We see the Lord's hand preparing things in our lives to make this challenge easier for our family. Large and small things that we would haven't even noticed until we were faced with this challenge. The Lord is there. If we really examine our lives. I know each of us can see His Hand helping us along the way and preparing us for not only challenges, but also blessings. Thanks for letting me share-Love, Kris

Hair today gone tomorrow

2009-01-04T12:04:00.000-07:00

My hair started to fall out at the beginning of the week. I had had my hair cut short to prepare for this, but it was still pretty hard emotionally. It started coming out in large clumps so finally on New Year's day I shaved it off. I thought I was prepared for this-after everything else I have gone through, but I had a good cry and got out my hats, and scarves. I guess I am like the New Year's baby hopefully by the end of the year I will be like the New years old man minus the beard.

I'm goin' Home!

2008-12-31T10:40:00.000-07:00

I'm packing my bags and preparing to go home today! I am so excited! I will be able to be at home for about a week and a half. I won't be worth two cents, but just being home will be wonderful. I am still going to have to be very careful around people and germs. I have sure appreciated the posts of encouragement I have received. They have helped so much. If you want to keep a post private please let me know and I will not publish it. Be sure to leave your email address so I can contact you. Thank you so much for all the outpouring of love and support. It's time to start gearing up for the next round. but I will be ready!

Collection Begins

2008-12-29T20:55:00.000-07:00

Today was an extremely long day!! I went to the hospital at 7am and got home at 6pm. After having labs done we waited about 2 hours for the results. During this time we wandered around the hospital and paced the floors. My joints and hips ached from the medications. I decided this whole ordeal felt like going into labor. I had labor pains and was waiting to deliver my own baby stem cells! The "magic numbers" came back and I was able to begin collection. They hooked me up to an apheresis machine with tubes going everywhere. The blood was taken out. The stem cells separated, then the blood put back in. Modern technology is amazing! It was not painful-just uncomfortable to have to sit there all day!! Hopefully this will only take a few days. I am waiting to hear back from the hospital with the actual count. I will keep you posted.

Yippee!!!

2008-12-29T20:50:00.000-07:00

I am jumping for Joy right now! They were able to harvest 34.5 million stem cells. I needed 21 million. What I thought would take several days has only taken one!!! I will go back tomorrow for tests, and probably a transfusion but then I am off the hook-(or line) Yippee