February 19, 2012

JUST BREATHE



JUST BREATHE
 Last Monday was my six-month check-up at the Huntsman Cancer Institute.  I do a lot of breathing that day.    
I take my first breath as I step on the scales to be weighed and measured.  You’d think I would get used to this, but I’m still always hoping for a lower number.
I take a deep breath as the “double lumen” port in my chest is accessed and 12 vials of blood are drawn and then another breath when the nurse has to take two more vials from my arm.   It is a good thing I have never been upset by the sight of blood.  This trait has come in handy over the last three years.
After the bandage is applied, I am led down the hall to a small examining room.  I sit on the bed and answer the questions from the Physicians Assistant who will be performing a biopsy.  I know the procedure well.  I think this is my eleventh time.  I am usually not too anxious until the actual procedure begins.   An IV of a small amount of morphine is administered through my port and I lay down as it begins to take effect.  After the paperwork and the risks involved are explained, I turn on my stomach pulling the bottom of my shirt up three or four inches and the waistband of my pants down three or four inches.  I can only vaguely explain what happens next while lying on my stomach; which is probably a good thing.
The procedure begins with a shot of lidocaine and once again I breathe.  In and out, slow, deep breathes as the area of the skin and then the iliac crest quickly become numb.    The aspirate comes first.  A long needle is plunged through the bone and into the marrow where it is aspirated into the syringe.  I breathe through the aspiration. I feel strong pressure from my hip down my leg down to my toes. As if the sample is being sucked up from my toes into the syringe.  I focus on deep slow breathes until the pain subsides.  Out of the corner of my eye, I can see the P.A. hand the vial to the phlebotomist who prepares the samples for testing.   He banters back and forth with the smart, pretty, P.A. asking me questions now and then to keep my mind distracted.
 Far from over, the next part is the bone marrow biopsy.  It feels like a drill.  The instrument is pushed down through the flesh and into the bone to extract a sample.  I feel intense pressure as the tool goes round and round, drilling into the bone.  It seems to take forever.  And once again I must concentrate on my  breaths.  Finally a core sample of bone is extracted and dropped into another vial and handed off to the friendly phlebotomist. I open my eyes and ask for a quick peek.  I’m curious what this piece of my body looks like.  The white bone is about 1 ½” long and the diameter of a spaghetti noodle.  I hope and pray that no myeloma cells exist in the sample.
Several hours later after the fog from the morphine lifts, I head to the radiology department.  My next test is a full body M.R.I.
 I carefully lay down on my back with the thick biopsy bandage. The table is skinny and flat.  The radioligist begins snapping on my “armour.”  A large plastic unit goes over my chest and snaps down tightly. I lay my head down into a form which holds my head in place and then I’m asked if I want headphones.  “Yes, Please” I reply starting to feel a little claustrophobic as the large headphones are fit snuggly to my ears and then a large helmet like piece is snapped in front of my face.  There is a small window where I should be able to look down over my body and through a window where the radioligist will be sitting with his assistant running the scans.  Without my glasses I see nothing in the distance.  Now I can barely hear as the kind nurse places a plastic bulb attached to a cord into my left hand.  She explains if there is any problem I can squeeze the bulb and they will stop the scans and help me. 
I feel like an astronaut preparing for launch.  Except I feel plenty of gravity.  I am pushed and snapped and squeezed into this small rocket to where I am unable to move anything but my breath.  They ask, “are  you ready?  Is the music ok?”  I give a barely audible yes and they leave the room.  Now is the time to breathe.  I take a deep breath and begin counting slowly.  I focus on the numbers instead of my small quarters.  I count to seven, hold it, then blow the air out as I exhale for eight counts. 
The M.R.I is loud.  It bangs like a hammer quickly tapping out a fast rhythm.  Then silence, and then a clicking noise as the scan moves to a different position.  “Just breathe,” I tell myself over and over.  The first ten minutes are hard.  I need to cough, to swallow.  I move my head slightly and wonder if I messed up the scan.  Slowly my breathing becomes steady and controlled.  My body relaxes and my mind is free to wander.  An hour goes by and the machine finally stops.  I am freed from my space ship, and I sit up letting the blood flow to my hands and feet.  I made it through another test, and it is time to go. It is time to return home and to wait.  To wait and wonder what the results of these tests will tell. 
Finally it is Friday.   My husband and I head up to Huntsman to meet with my new oncologist.  Dr. Tricot has moved his practice to Iowa so I now see his partner Dr. Zangari.  Unlike the slow and methodical personality of Dr. Tricot, Dr. Zangari enters the room in a whirlwind.  He opens up my files, taps on his computer and begins asking questions all at once. 
After reading through lab and test results on the computer, he invites us to come over and look at the screen.  He points out the sentence from the M.R.I results and says in his thick Italian accent, “I can’t do a thing for you.”  I see the twinkle in his eye and read from the report, “no sign of multiple myeloma.”
 And my husband and I breathe a sigh of relief for another eight months!


11 comments:

terryl1 said...

Hi, I just found your blog through the Myeloma Beacon. I was dx. 8/10/11. I am smoldering with a high risk for progression. I think your blog is very informative and so positive. I have a lot to live for. I am a 49 year old guy with a wife and two young sons. I will definitely be a regular viewer. Thanks. Terry fronm NJ.

feresaknit said...

Fantastic news - 11 BMBs! I'm such a novice I've only had five, but no-one's ever offered me morphine first. ;D

Carole Leigh said...

Congratulations! I know it feels wonderful to have several months ahead before your next tests. I was diagnosed two years ago with MM and had radiation, chemo, and a stem cell transplant and I am in remission. I had an appointment with my oncologist last week and I had to tell myself to breath, just like you......the worry these appointments bring never seems to go away.

Keep up the good work!

Best regards,
Carole Leigh Ingram
www.caroleleighi.blogspot.com

Linda said...

What a wonderful description of the procedures so many MM patients/survivors endure on a regular basis...it really is hard to imagine and you certainly made it alot more real! So thankful for your answered prayers and good news. And now...A HUGE BREATH OF RELIEF!

Melinda said...

Oh my dear friend. Such GOOD NEWS. What a answer to prayers!!! Hope you are feeling well and able to do all the things you want and need to.
Love ya,

Melinda

Nick and Amera said...

YAY!!! So happy for you and your family to get this news! I think about you often! I love ya!! keep up the good work, you are doing such a strong and great job!!!!! love ya Kris!!!

Sandy said...

Intending your eight months are full of joy and healthy living and your remission continues well past the next check-up! Great news and I know you can now take a deep breath and exhale your praise and gratitude.

Linda C said...

Kristine- I saw you on Roobeedoo's blog talking about the confusion and lost files, etc., and I can so sympathize about their forgetting to do the biopsy and your having to undergo a procedure again.

I cam here to tell you of my sympathy , and then I suffered with you through the MRI- knowing well about trying to endure the whole horrible lying flat on a very hard surface, not being able to breathe because I need my head raised. I have asthma and get very panicky, laying so flat, inside a machine, unable to sit up quickly in case I started coughing and could not stop. It's the feeling I might not be able to breathe and might choke or drown before I could sit up.

I really want to say I will add you to my prayer list. I am so glad that THINGS LOOK GOOD FOR THE NEXT EIGHT MONTHS. My very best to you and your family.

LindaC

RachTurner said...

LOVE your blog, Kris! You are such an inspiration. We have some similarities in our cancers. My lymphoma is also a blood cancer and it is in my kidney. This is usually type of lymphoma found in older adults, men usually. So, it looks like we are very rare, unique individuals, huh? :) Look forward to following your blog.

tim's wife said...

Yay!!! So glad to read this. 11 BMB's though! Wow. I guess Tim has been lucky to have only had 2, at this point. Congrats on this wonderful news.

Rosemary said...

What an ordeal you described, "ow" and "oowh" come to mind, but thank goodness for the happy ending!

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